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Random question . . .

Subject: Random question . . .
by Aveyond06 on 2011/9/26 4:31:10

Well, I'm not one to babble in public, but I have a simple question.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

Well, my former best friend of years and years, has recently been betraying me, and honestly I take it as a full-time break up. No need to detail what she has done, it is not important.

Well, we were at some point girlfriends, but we broke up and we somehow managed to keep together...and it worked up till 4 months ago. I wanna add that the relationship has been helping me a lot and I am thankful to her, despite the abuse I did take in my face, but it's okay.

Since then she has become lusty, greedy, and seemingly she began to really don't care about anything. I recently invited her over, still, all she has done was ashaming me with her behavior. My family, my friends and I fought together and I almost broke up with a lot of them. I decided this woman wasn't worth anymore my time and now could only mean trouble. I still kept with her. The ending blow, well, I'll just say a terrible event happened.

So I broke all links with her.

But here's the problem, even now I feel so guilty of having done that. I feel I was responsible and I also wonder why has she started behaving in such an erratic manner. I wanna forgive her, I really do, though if I get back with her it's going to be more abuse and shame. She blames me that I owe her, I owe her so much and I could never pay her back. I feel really bad about it so..I'm wondering..How can I overcome these feelings? I don't find a reason not to get back with her, even though I know it's going to shatter me even more.

I'm just looking for advice, it's not really my type, but I feel terrible about it. I feel like a horrible person for destroying everything, well, I'm that desperate to ask around. My family's too biased and my friends and girlfriend too, and I understand them, I really need neutral eyes..I guess I can find this here.

I know it's a very stupid matter but it takes me down at a moment in my life where everything I've built should shine, and at a point where everything and I mean just EVERYTHING is better than anything I've had before. I did what I wanted to do and I really have a wonderful life, but these feelings keep coming back, I'm imagining conversations with my ex-best friend, and I somehow feel so guilty and dirty (well, dirty is another subject which I'm going to avoid speaking about.)...Give me advice please?

PS. No I'm not married anymore. A certain change in my civil identity pushed for this, and I can say this change doesn't have any impact on my relationship with her, or with the friend I'm speaking about.

Amy