@agas: Ah, so many questions.How will I be able to answer them all?
Easy, of course here are the answers:

- A rank ______________________________

- Ahriman turned her into a daeva

-Her purpose in the story- she's one of the "main" daevas who serve Ahriman(In my story she's supposed to replace Aesma.In other words, Aesma has never existed in the story)[I chose to replace him/her because he/she is my least favorite]

- Ahriman gave her a demon name (I thought of a human name for her)

-The first few chapters are set before Aveyond 1 and the rest are after Ahriman is defeated

-Basing it on Aveyond and my imagination

Okay, so here's what I understand... Aesma never existed in the first place, there are still only 7 daevas, your story is before and after Aveyond, and Ahriman recruited your character. Right?

Here's my comments about that:
- The later part of your story spans after Ahriman is defeated. Since you skipped out the entire Aveyond plot, I assume you mean that nothing changed, except that instead of Aesma we have your character. But then it means all the daevas are "dead" (or trapped in Elini's summon)! How's anything supposed to happen then?
- Your character replaces Aesma, meaning that there's still only 7 daevas. Then she would have to go and steal Vata's soul, and given that she's an unwilling daeva, would she do that? Unless you thought of a plot to miss out on that.
- Like KTC said, it's assumed that daevas are full-blooded demons. You have to establish that it IS possible to turn humans into demons somewhere in the story. Not just, "oh, by the way, it's possible to turn people into demons because I said so."
- You probably will have to mention somewhere how Ahriman is powerful enough to turn people into demons. Because logically only more powerful demons can do that. Ahriman WAS once human after all. Maybe it's some kind of dark magic?
- Since it's Ahriman who turned her into daeva AND gave her the demon name, she should have a name that either comes directly from the daeva myth or at least fits with the others. Ahriman belongs to the same myth as the other daevas, so it would not make any sense to give your character a name that sounds too jarringly different from the other daevas.

For the last point, it's extra important. Sorry for being such a nitpicky person, but... I thought you should know this. Here's the deal: If your reason for giving her a demon name from some other myth is because she is "special" and "different from the others", your character is in danger of becoming a Mary Sue and Mary Sues are annoying, even if it's only fanfiction. Some people may not care about Mary Sues, but you should keep that in mind that most people hate Mary Sues. A lot.

And watch out with turning canon characters into Mary Sues and Gary Stus (male Mary Sue). I myself am in danger of turning Agas and Nanghaithya into Gary Stus, so I have to watch myself carefully to not do that.
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Pardon my rant. I sound so much like such a know-it-all >___<

LOL! I'm seriously amused because almost all of those names (except Yuki) appeared in Umineko no Naku Koro ni.

Belphegor.

... or please, please call her Mammon! XD

@agas:Ahem.....*sleepy look* ah yes I'm supposed to write a reply..

Ok, about the daevas being dead- *clang* *poof* *strange magic effect* Done! They're alive

Never mind that...morning jokes..
I was thinking something unexplained happened and they are still alive..Wait that doesn't make sense now, does it?(aaaahh )I'm going insane this is turning out to be the worst fanfic I've ever written!(I used to write better)It's becoming a demonxdemon-demonxhuman fanfic! ahem.. try to guess the cracky pairing

I need to clear my brain with a snack BRB(and maybe write some homework)

@sui: You know, you remind me of one thing I forgot to ask. Is this story crack or serious? If it's crack, forget about making sense. Only pay attention to my know-it-all teacher-mode if it's a serious fic.

Cracky pairing eh? As a creator of crack pairing myself, I really don't mind whatever pairing you can come up with. Surprise me. My own Eithera/Saurva and Agas/Rhen have become... pretty infamous around here. People actually tell me they are cute or they look good together at some point *shrug* Yeah, I draw them, not write. If I write them, I get stomach ache because it's just too weird.

@aggie:It is supposed to be serious but it turned out some SaurvaxunnamedOC and it became something like this------- http://lostlink.files.wordpress.com/2 ... 12-shizuka-and-kaname.jpg

or this-------- http://animefact.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/chronocrusade.jpg

Uhh.... ??O__O?? Don't understand the point of the anime screenshots there. Are those supposed to be what the couple's relationship looks like? Because it kinda made no sense to me. Don't see how those could have anything to do with Saurva or whoever *is confused*

Oh, OC eh? Unnamed? So she isn't important? What about this OC we're having so much trouble naming? Pairing or no?

Regarding the "seriousness" of the story/pairing... You CAN deal with crack with so much seriousness that people can actually not realize that it's meant to be crack. Unless you've been spreading the same material as crack, then suddenly create something that actually takes it seriously. Then people's reaction could be unexpected. I mean, Saurva/Eithera is definitely a big joke, given Eithera's reaction once her soul is restored {"ROAR IMMA RIP THAT DEMON APART WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!!"}, but I know that I can make something that deals with the pairing in all seriousness that, well, it could pass off as something that IS serious business. Though I would still laugh my head off if I actually do that.

sounds like you still have quite a few details to work out. OCs are always a problem to make sure they don't turn mary sue and steal the storyline.

@aggie:It's getting harder trying to explain my weird thoughts and ideas that seem to be continuously popping into my mind. As I said, The fanfic is supposed to be a serious..ahem...love story.
The character we are trying to name is the only OC,I never mentioned another one(unless you misunderstood)
The story is not crack(I think)

That's all for now.Good night(off topic-now try guessing where I live)

@KTC: You talking to me or her (I assume suigintou is a she)?

@suigintou: Misunderstood ya. Thought you were talking about some other OC. So it's this problematic OC we're currently fussing over with, right?
Quote:Understand ya perfectly right there. Have the same problem quite often. And then there's the other problem of me not being able to keep my mouth shut about future plots...

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Okay, back to business. Serious romance??? O_____O Holy cow, from what I know now your character is milimetres away from being a Mary Sue (or maybe she already IS one) and your story's just a few steps away from being doomed. I may be assuming too much here because I can't read your mind, but you better not overload stuff on your OC and you better have a good reason for everything.

And one thing: Do NOT use manga or anime as basis of your thinking. Do not think, "Hey, it happened in this anime/manga so it's ok." A lot of anime and manga have Mary Sues/Gary Stus as canon characters. It's not too apparent in manga and anime for some reason, but it's a lot more obvious in written prose and people would be able to call out on them more easily. If you really can't think of anything, then I suppose it's ok to go ahead with it and see how people react to it. Do not go too defensive on your plot and/or OC when someone criticize. That's all the advice I can give you. Like I said, I've probably turned Agas and Nanghaithya (and I think Saurva too) into Gary Stus in my story so I can't really judge.
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As I said in a previous pose, you really want to give your OC a demon name from the matching myth. Or at least not too jarringly different. Here's some that I personally like:
- Anahita
- Atar
- Kavi
- Khara
- Jeh
Some of them are actually names of races or gods but hey. Who said they have to be actual demon names?

@agas: to suigintou.

@aggie-chan(took a liking to this name for you):

Can't make up my mind maybe I'll drop the WHOLE fanfic (and post some of my old ones)


(Look at that signature- Mary sue!)

Yay Mary Sue!!! Don't get too discouraged by my ramblings... You CAN still post it, but change the plot if it is indeed a mary sue

*stabs mary sues and gary sues*

wat >.>

@KTC: Lol, kill the sues!!!

@suigintou: I don't mind that name, though... for some reason "aggie" makes me think of Argoyle Anyways, I really want to read the story to see what you have in mind. I mean, i can't judge the plot without reading the actual thing. Some stuff may sound Mary Sue-ish in concept but when you actually read it it's not. Like the what's-it's-name series True Blood is based on and the Darren Shan saga. When I read the summary of the plots, they sound dang like Mary Sue and Gary Stu and it pissed me off so much. But when I actually read the books, they are good. So hurry and name that OC already so you can start writing. Or maybe you can PM me the plot if you're willing to share

Toya/Featherin and Erika are NOT Mary Sues. Firstly, Erika. She's not a Mary Sue when it comes to literal mary sues - she's more like a mary sue created by someone as a game piece (the same way how you will call the queen piece in chess a mary sue?). And also, she's very, very, very annoying, and arrogant, which is an obvious personality flaw.

As much as I dislike Erika because of her seriously annoying personality and her cruelty, I can't call her a Mary Sue because she's someone I love to hate, and there's no way the phrase Mary Sue fits into her persona.

As for Featherin... She's this random book writer who doesn't really contribute much to the plot at all, so why a mary sue? Not to mention she's old. VERY old. So old she can't even remember things.

@Kirroha:I never said Erika and Featherine are Mary sues. I found a picture of them and made a signature.(O_o!A die-hard fan of Umineko!)

@kirroha: I really have no right to say anything because I know nothing of the series but.... O___O

Canon Mary Sues does too exist, and I'm sure you're aware of that. I can't comment on her having personality flaw because I have no idea about the series at ALL, but watch out for "non-flaws". "Flaws" that don't cause trouble for the character is not a real flaw. You mentioned that she is annoying and arrogant, but does that cause a realistic effect? Like people in the story being annoyed at her? If her personality does nothing bad to her, then it's not a flaw and she could still possibly a Sue. Also, you mentioned that she is not a Sue because you love to hate her. You hating or loving a character has nothing to do with that character being a Mary Sue or not, so that is not a legit reason of why said character is not a Sue.

Always remember that even if a story has Mary Sues as characters, the story can still be good as long as it's executed well, so you shouldn't be too defensive if people point out that characters from a certain series/story is a Mary Sue. Like, I'm pretty sure Alucard from Hellsing is a Gary Sue. He's practically a god there! But the story is still good.

Now why has this thread turned into a discussion about Mary Sues? O______O

@suigintou: Sui, you can have a mod close the thread if you find that this thread is no longer helpful... How's the story, btw? Don't tell me my know-it-all rants discouraged you from writing it. I feel so bad if it's so

YES. People in the story get annoyed at her a lot.

She's confused for a mary sue because there are many layers of reality in Umineko - and she is a piece created by a person of a higher plane cos that person wants to create a Mary Sue for herself. So technically she's that person's Mary Sue, but not a literary mary sue.

In fact, she's so hated by everyone (even her creator could care less about her and was the one who destroyed her when she found her useless) when she died in the end it was an obvious Alas Poor Scrappy.

aggie:I completely changed the plot but the main problem still stays- A NAME