Hey guys, haven't been on AM in a while so I decided to make a new fan fiction. It's based off of the Orbs of Magic series from start to finish. It's a parody, a bad one at that, since I'm no good at comedy. But please enjoy it none the less.

Atop Mysterious Tower of Doom (MTD)

Mordred: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Tunsten: Sorry, dear wife, but I gotta stop his laughter, it will annoy the life out of everyone playing this game…..
Rayina: You sure? He really likes his laughter……
Mordred: MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Tunsten: *cringes* Trust me, it’s gotta go.
*climbs MTD*
Tunsten: MORDRED YOU ARE ANNOYING!
Mordred: MWAHAHAHAHAH I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK INSIDE!!!!!
Tunsten: Heck no.
Mordred: THEN YOU SHALL DIE BY ME LAUGHTER!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Tunsten: I HAVE MAGIC! goodbye weirdo.
Mordred: NOOOOO I’M NOT DONE LAUGHING.......
Tunsten: Well I’m sure as heck not gonna laugh for you.
Mordred: MWHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHA someone, one day, will, Tunsten……the heir of Darkthrop is destined to rule everything……..
Tunsten: You’re weird and STUPID. I don’t have any kids.
Rayina: Um, Tunsten, about that…..
Tunsten: I DON’T have kids. Therefore, the laughing stops RIGHT NOW.
Rayina: Wait, what are you saying?
Tunsten: Rayina, I must never laugh again.
Rayina: NO! I will not let you!
Tunsten: Oh it’s really no big deal, I just won’t watch stand-up comedy or South Park anymore….
Rayina: No, I meant I won’t let you think you’re the last one to ever laugh.
Tunsten: WTH you be talking about?
Rayina: Well, I think I’m—
Tunsten: I will never laugh again. Now run along and tell the village how awesome I am while I stay here and kill myself.
Rayina: Why would you do that?
Tunsten: To pull at the audience’s heartstrings. Now GO!!!!!!!!
*Rayina runs down MTD*
Tunsten: AWESOME SPECIAL EFFECTS TIME!!!!!!!!
Rayina: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*200 years later*

In a small office in the city of Harburg (SOH)

Mel: You have a job for me?
Boden: You need to steal something.
Mel: No duh, I’m a thief.
Boden: Well, anyway, you were specifically requested. It appears your reputation is growing…
Mel: I’m the main character of the series and Mordred Darkthrop’s heir. Of COURSE my reputation is growing. How much money we talking here?
Boden: Um….well, 100 gold coins.
Mel: That’s it? That’s literally it?
Boden: Well, it is an enormous sum of—
Mel: You kidding me? That could buy two loaves of bread and a rusty dagger. I’d still have to salvage for armor!
Boden: Take it or leave it.
Mel: Well, whatever, least bread is better than cooked rats.
Boden: Hey, be careful, okay?
Mel: Boden, if I was ever careful, we wouldn’t have a game series. Shut up.

More coming soon, promise.

Here's some more, as promised. Again, I'm really not that funny, but I'll try to be. Btws, I use acronyms. a LOT. Get used to it.

Outside of Clockwork Mansion (OCM)
Mel: Okay, now let’s not wake anyone up, k?
Inside of Clockwork Mansion (ICM)
*sees a bunch of sleeping people*
Mel: Gosh, how many people live here?
*goes upstairs*
Mel: Eww, books, let’s run away.
*goes even more upstairs*
Mel: OI! OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Sleepy Old People (SOP) : Huh, what? OH MY GOD A THIEF!!!!!!!!!
Mel: No, I’m not a thief, well I am a thief, but I’m not stealing your stuff. Unless that guy out on that balcony tells me to, then I will, because he’s gonna give me some money, wait do you guys know there’s a guy out there on you balcony I know I do, but—
SOP: SHUT UP AND GO TALK TO HIM. Or kill him. He is trespassing…..
Mel: Nah, my character can only kill foxes right now, she sucks, by the way that dude’s a vampire, so you might wanna watch—
SOP: SHUT UP AND GO OUTSIDE!!!!!
Mel: You guys sure like to yell….
*goes outside*
OCM
Mysterious Guy in Red Cloak (MGRC): Are you the thief we requested?
Mel: Well, I’m a thief, and I’m here, and it’s the middle of the night, and I don’t see any more thieves around, and my name’s Mel, you can see it whenever I talk, so—
MGRC: Alright, alright. Go fetch me an orb.
Mel: What kind of orb?
MGRC: An orb that will serve as the base plotline for the whole series and which will one day cause you to turn against your friends and kill them all and raise Mordred Darkthrop MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH from the dead.
Mel: Oh, I just meant whether it was glass or stone, but thanks for the tips.
MGRC: …….
Evil Menacing Not-Really-That-Bad Darkthrop Tower (EMNRTBDT)
Mel: You know, for a small little tower, these sewers are HUGE.
*fifteen dead rats later*
Mel: I don’t care if they are delicious, rats SUCK.
*twelve dead moths later*
Mel: HOW THE HECK DO MOTHS KILL ME THEY ARE MOTHS. Can’t I just swat them or step on them or something? They’re actually kinda cute and pretty, how the heck can they kill me in two hits?
*about a BILLION dead rats and moths later*
Mel: FINALLY! It’s that stupid orb.
*touches the orb*
Mel: This is…really…creepy…..
Orb: Come join me, Mel…….become Mordred Darkthrop’s heir MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA and have everything you’ve ever wanted. Just join me…..join me….
Mel: SHUT UP! You’re worse than me, and I do sometimes carry on for quite a long while anyway, what is it with people laughing like maniacs whenever they say Mordred Darkthrop?
Voices: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mel: AHH! Stop that! Okay, I’m leaving, before anyone else kills me or laughs weirdly….
Back at Clockwork Mansion (BCM)
Mel: Okay, here’s your stupid orb, where’s my 100 bucks?
MGRC: Boys, give her her reward.
*the two other hooded guys grab Mel*
Mel: Oh, no. You. DIDN’T!
*stabs everyone*
MGRC: You’re kidding me, right? I’m already dead.
Mel: How?
MGRC: BECAUSE I’M A FREAKING VAMPIRE!!!!!!
Mel: Vampires aren’t real.
MGRC: Oh really?
Mel: Yes, really. And Tei’jal, I knw you’re around here somewhere, so come save me, will you? AND VAMPIRES AREN’T REAL!
Tei’jal: *pwns everything*
MGRC: You know you cannot win! I’ll get you, my pretty, and that little bow too!
Tei’jal: GTFO
Mel: Hey, thanks Tei’jal, you saved my life.
Tei’jal: It was the least I could do. After all, you defended my cause.
Mel: Yea I did! Wait, what cause?
Tei’jal: I don’t believe vampires are real, either.
Mel: ……. you do know you are one, right?
Tei’jal: BAH! I am not a “true” vampire, according to that idiot Stephanie Meyer. Apparently I need to sparkle and eat veggies and marry mortals. I don’t believe such vampires exist…I am not a true vampire, and I never will be. And I will quench all of my race who tries to become “true” vampires, because they don’t and should not exist!
Mel: …….wow. Well, anyway, thx for saving my guts, gotta go, kthxBAIIIIIII!!!!!!
Tei’jal: Hold it right there, missy. I may not be a vampire, but I know when someone’s trying to escape trouble.
Mel: That makes absolutely NO sense.
Tei’al: It doesn’t matter! The important thing is, you are basically SCREWED so we need to RUN.
Mel: BUT WHAT ABOUT MY 100 BUCKS????????
Tei’jal: Mel, I promise you will eventually marry a prince and become queen and have all the riches in the world, but right now we need to—
Mel: Hold up. Did you just say I’d marry a NOBLE?
Tei’jal: Yes, I did, now let’s GO!!!!
Mel: Um, nonononono, hell no, I am NOT marrying some rich posh princey boy.
Tei’jal: THIS IS NOT THE FREAKING TIME!!! WE HAVE TO LEAVE OR YOU WILL DIE!!! END OF STORY. GOODBYE!!! END. OF. YOUR. FREAKING. LIFE. Let’s GOOOOOOOO
Mel: Well you don’t have to be so enthusiastic about it……
Tei’jal: *facepalm*

HAHAHA!! (Oooh, I sound like Mordred Darkthrop!). That was great.

"Mel: That’s it? That’s literally it?
Boden: Well, it is an enormous sum of—
Mel: You kidding me? That could buy two loaves of bread and a rusty dagger. I’d still have to salvage for armor!"

That's funny cause it's true!

"BAH! I am not a “true” vampire, according to that idiot Stephanie Meyer. Apparently I need to sparkle and eat veggies and marry mortals."

LOL, although technically Galahad was mortal at the time he married Te'ijal , but Te'ijal didn't whine and angst on and on and on about changing him - she just changed him. DOWN WITH TWILIGHT!!

Can't wait for the next part! I hope this continues for all four games (I know, that's a tall order, but this is great.)

Yeah, this is hilarious! I really liked the Te'ijal part- as if vamps really eat veggies. I hate Twilight.

Tunsten: I will never laugh again. Now run along and tell the village how awesome I am while I stay here and kill myself.
Rayina: Why would you do that?
Tunsten: To pull at the audience’s heartstrings. Now GO!!!!!!!!

That's probably my favourite part. ^
Of course, the only reason to die would be to make us hate poor Mordred. Anyways, I really want you to continue with this! Yay for funny.

Shadow Woods North (SWN)
Mel: AHHHH!!!! A fox! Kill it, kill it!
Tei’jal: There’s a forest guardian with it.
Mel: We are totally screwed.
*Mel slices the fox with her knife and manages to do a bit of damage*
*Tei’jal shoots the Forest Guardian with her bow and totally pwns it*
Mel: Um…..
Tei’jal: What is it?
Mel: Where were you when I was getting killed by freaking moths?
Tei’jal: You got killed by moths? Lame.
Mel: Hey! They had a lot of power in them!
Tei’jal: *rolls her eyes*
*a few minutes later*
Mel: Eeep! Non-existent vampires!
Tei’jal: I’m gonna leave you here. I’ll lead them off. You run to Thais and find Ulaf. Tell him I sent you, he will obviously trust a creepy non-vampire like me.
Mel: Ooookay. Where are you going?
Tei’jal: I need to go find my husband.
Mel: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD MARRY YOU?!?!
Tei’jal: Trust me, Galahad ain’t in his right mind. Gtg now, little rabbit. Run like the wind.
*Tei’jal leads the vampires off*
Mel: WAIT! I need your awesome bow to defend myself against moths!!!!!!!
 
School of War and Magic (SWM)
*many many hours of getting killed by roosters and getting lost later*
Ulaf: Yes?
Mel: Are you Ulaf?
Ulaf: Well duh, that is my name.
Mel: A creepy non-vampire sent me. She’s off looking for her insane husband of something.
Ulaf: Oh, yes, Tei’jal. You are a mage?
Mel: Um, no.
Ulaf: Are you sure?
Mel: Yes, of course I am.
Ulaf: Are you absolutely sure?
Mel: Um…
Ulaf: Mind you, your answer could change this whole game series. It could kill the people you love and put Mordred Darkthrop in power over the world.
Mel: YES I am very very certain I am not a mage.
Ulaf: Very well. You willing to bet on that?
Mel: Do we really have time for this?
Ulaf: Well, it is quite important. Are you willing to wager one million gold coins on the fact that you are not a mage?
Mel: Um, I barely have 100 bucks, mister. Why’s this so important to you?
Ulaf: You’ll understand in time, but are you willing to take the bet?
Mel: If it shuts you up.
Ulaf: WONDERFUL! Come see me at the end of game three.
Mel: Whatever. Weirdo….
Ulaf: Well, without a bow like Tei’jal’s, you’re certainly no fighter either, so….
Mysterious Hidden Prince Whose Real Name is Edward But We Will Give Him An Acronym For Now Because The Author Likes Acronyms (MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA): She might fit into Professor Gray’s group.
Ulaf: Well, she does look like a—
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: You kidding? She’ll fit right in!
Ulaf: Very well, go up about a billion stairs and you’ll find him hiding out on what seems to be another planet but is in fact the fourth floor tower study.
Mel: Okay.
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: Come on, I’ll show you the way.
Mel: Don’t you just keep going up?
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: Yes, but we can bond while going up the stairs.
Mel: Why would I want to bond with you?
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: Because you will eventually marry me.
Mel: Why does everyone in this game seem psychic for some reason?
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: Is that another way of saying I’m cute?
Mel: It’s a way of saying that I’ll punch the next person who says anything beyond what I already know.
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: Whatever. THIS WAY TO BONDING TIME!
*several several SEVERAL sets of stairs later*
MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA: I’m Edward, by the way.
Mel: Does that mean we have to change your acronym? I think the author already has MHPWRNEBWWGHAAFNBTALA down in her copy and paste settings.
Edward: Well, just give me another clever acronym name, then.
Author: How about Edward Who is Really a Prince but Doesn’t Want Anyone to Know Because it Might Spoil His Future Marriage With Mel? (EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM)
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: Sounds fine. And I like how you didn’t mention anything about—
Lydia: EDDDDDDDDDDDDWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: Oh ****. Come on, Mel, we’re going to see Professor Gray. NOW.
* EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM and Mel disappear up another flight of stairs*
Lydia (I’m not even gonna give her an acronym. I’m just gonna call her Arrogant Smug Face)
Arrogant Smug Face: Where did Edward go?
Author: His name isn’t Edward, it’s EWRPDWA—
Arrogant Smug Face: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO MEMORIZE THAT?
Author: Use copy and paste?
Arrogant Smug Face: WTF is copy and paste?
Author: You use it whenever you write stuff in Word?
Arrogant Smug Pompous Face: Why would I ever write anything? I can just have my servants do it for me.
Author: Can I get back to writing about EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM and Mel now?
Lydia: SERVANTS! Write a book about how beautiful and rich I am.
Author: *sneaks away into Professor Gray’s office to continue narrating*
Professor Gray’s Office on the Umpteenth Floor (PGOUF)
Gray: You a thief?
Mel: Um, hi, yea, I used to be, but then my life got a bit screwed up.
Gray: You a thief?
Mel: Yes, I said. I’m not anymore, but I was.
Gray: You a thief?
Mel: YES!!!!! Sheesh, is that all you do, say things over and over? Please tell me that’s not what you’re going to teach me.
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in the rich part of town.
Mel: Which house?
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in the rich part of town.
Mel: I said which house?
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in—
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: Trust me, he’s usually like this. I think he lost his mind back when they told him he had to work at this school for ANOTHER 200 years.
Mel: So which house am I supposed to go to?
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: It’s the rich part of town. There is only one HOUSE.
Mel: What do you mean?
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: You’ll see. After this, you wanna head down to the local tavern and hang out with me?
Mel: More bonding time?
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: Yea.
Mel: Did it ever occur to you that I might not WANT to eventually marry you?
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: …
Mel: Whatever. I’m gonna go get this figurine. Professor Gray BETTER not turn into a vampire when I get back.
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: WTH are you talking about?
Mel: Long story. Check the post above this one.

LOL!!

"Mel: WAIT! I need your awesome bow to defend myself against moths!!!!!!!"

Yeah, that's exactly what I think when I have to face those evil chickens all by myself.

"Ulaf: Oh, yes, Tei’jal. You are a mage?
Mel: Um, no.
Ulaf: Are you sure?
Mel: Yes, of course I am.
Ulaf: Are you absolutely sure?
Mel: Um…
Ulaf: Mind you, your answer could change this whole game series. It could kill the people you love and put Mordred Darkthrop in power over the world.
Mel: YES I am very very certain I am not a mage.
Ulaf: Very well. You willing to bet on that?
Mel: Do we really have time for this?
Ulaf: Well, it is quite important. Are you willing to wager one million gold coins on the fact that you are not a mage?
Mel: Um, I barely have 100 bucks, mister. Why’s this so important to you?
Ulaf: You’ll understand in time, but are you willing to take the bet?
Mel: If it shuts you up.
Ulaf: WONDERFUL! Come see me at the end of game three."

BEST PART!!

this is insulting them! poor mel... mel will blast you if she ever finds out!

this is Funny with capital F

Come on, come on, update!

Downstairs in SWM:
Mel: Hey, look, it’s Lydia! Hi Lydia!
Arrogant Smug Face: Do I know you?
Mel: Well, you don’t now, but trust me, by the time the end of this series comes around, you’re going to regret everything you ever said to me.
Arrogant Smug Face: Get away from me commoner.
Mel: Alright, that just earned you one day in the demon realm, which is the earth equivalent of, like, 1000 years.
Arrogant Smug Face: WTF you on about?
Mel: Oh, nevermind. See you in four games!!!!!!!!
Outside SWM:
Mel: Ugh, there are too many people to go stealing some statue.
*sees trees*
Mel: Ooohhhh, a comfy little place in the trees where I can sleep! No one will EVER think that’s suspicious, some homeless person hanging out outside SWM. I’ll just take a nap….
*dusk approaches*
Mel: What’s this note taped to me?
*reads note*
Note: Dear Mel: Because I wanted to impress you so you would one day become my wife (and even though I have no thief skills whatsoever that I ever display later in the game) I went ahead and stole the statue for you. It’s in the enclosed package. Take care! Love, EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM Oh, P.S. – Come meet me in the tavern once you’ve given the statue to Gray. We’ll have some more bonding time!!!!!!!!!
Mel: Fffffffffffffff-
Later, at the local tavern (ALT)
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: You made it!
Mel: Look, I’ve had a rough few days, and you are downright annoying. Will being your friend make you shut up?
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: If that means more bonding time, then yes!
Mel: *sighs* Fine. But as soon as I see another girl come into your life…
EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM: You’ll slap her upside the head and tell her to GTFO?
Mel: ………maybe.
*six months pass*
A Land Far, Far Away (ALFFA)
Tei’jal: For some weird reason, you are now controlling me as the character in the game. OH, btw, look around really REALLY well, b/c it’s gone be a right pain in the behind to get back down here again. And save your game about a billion times before you enter the tavern. Kthxbye.

oh no mel is going to puck!!! run!

What's puck?

he means "puke" and actually it's the beginning of a swear word which i can't even bleep out on this website so i just did that.

SO FUNNY! This is my fave part so far:

Gray: You a thief?
Mel: Um, hi, yea, I used to be, but then my life got a bit screwed up.
Gray: You a thief?
Mel: Yes, I said. I’m not anymore, but I was.
Gray: You a thief?
Mel: YES!!!!! Sheesh, is that all you do, say things over and over? Please tell me that’s not what you’re going to teach me.
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in the rich part of town.
Mel: Which house?
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in the rich part of town.
Mel: I said which house?
Gray: Go steal a figurine from the house in—

Update, I love this parody!

Note: Dear Mel: Because I wanted to impress you so you would one day become my wife (and even though I have no thief skills whatsoever that I ever display later in the game) I went ahead and stole the statue for you. It’s in the enclosed package. Take care! Love, EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM Oh, P.S. – Come meet me in the tavern once you’ve given the statue to Gray. We’ll have some more bonding time!!!!!!!!!

^ Favourite part.

Edward is just so silly. All he wants is bonding time with poor Mel, lol. At least he hasn't mentioned becoming a chicken farmer yet. I can't wait for the next chapter! They're all so funny.

Wyrm Forest (I’m not gonna bother with an acronym.)
Tei’jal: Hello, husband.
Galahad: Hey *slash* can you help *dodge* me out?
Tei’jal: Nah, I’m just gonna argue with you and give the listeners pointless backstory that they should already know anyway if they like the Aveyond games. Btdubs, you can’t die.
Galahad: So…..you’re not gonna help?
Tei’jal: Nope.
*five minutes of Galahad getting creamed later*
Galahad: Why is it that your bow of unlimited awesomeness was completely USELESS during this fight?
Tei’jal: I have no freaking clue.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

Mel: How did people wake up on time back in these days? They certainly didn’t have alarm clocks and the last rooster I saw was trying to kill me………
*Thousands of steps later*
Gray: You’re late.
Mel: I can explain!
Gray: You’re late.
Mel: There weren’t any killer roosters around to wake me up, what do you expect?
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Is that it?
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Ugh, not again.
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Look, if you continue on like this, I’m gonna quit your classes and be on my merry way.
Author: Oh no you won’t. Deal with it.
Mel: Fine. Can I at least have a dress?
Gray: Find the spy at the—
Mel: OKAY, okay, I’m going. Stupid, pointless teachers……

Thais Castle at the Ball (TCB)

Mel: No…..way……please please PLEASE tell I’ve found a way to get EWRPDWAKBMSHFMWM OUT of my hair. Oh my gosh, this is so awesome, I can’t wait to report this to Gray, he’ll be arrested and sent to jail and I’ll never have to endure bonding time ever again!
Arrogant Smug Face: Oh princey-poo!
Mel: *facepalm* My life sucks sometimes.
Edward who is finally revealed to be the prince but still gets a nickname because I dislike him greatly (EWFRPSGNBIDHG): You know, I only befriended you because I envied you (plus I want to marry you someday)
Mel: ENOUGH about the marrying and bonding time. Hey, did you just see that comet?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yea, I did.
Mel: You wanna go look for it tomorrow? It would be better than being woken up by a killer rooster.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: You realize you’re creating bonding time, right?
Mel: *grins* Really? I…I didn’t notice. Stupid me. Guess we shouldn’t go over there and discover something that could be my salvation *coughs* I mean, your future.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Fine. This is a sudden change in character for you, isn’t it?
Mel: *grin widens* Oh trust me……it isn’t in the slightest.

"Galahad: Why is it that your bow of unlimited awesomeness was completely USELESS during this fight?
Tei’jal: I have no freaking clue."

I always wonder that too.

Great job, keep going!

Very funny!

Gray (Grey?) is still my favorite character;
Gray: You’re late.
Mel: I can explain!
Gray: You’re late.
Mel: There weren’t any killer roosters around to wake me up, what do you expect?
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Is that it?
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Ugh, not again.
Gray: Find the spy at the ball.
Mel: Look, if you continue on like this, I’m gonna quit your classes and be on my merry way.
Author: Oh no you won’t. Deal with it.
Mel: Fine. Can I at least have a dress?
Gray: Find the spy at the—.
Hehehehe...
Hehehehe...
Hehehehe...

@magy i'm glad you like that. i just find him annoying and i thought everyone else did too. glad you find him funny

@everyone updates coming soon.

Oh yeah! I love this!!!!!