i have seen this time and time again in my daily life and online...a person makes a statement or does something that is determined by others to be inappropriate for whatever reason(s)...and instantly, instead of trying to build bridges, we tear it down...

we each have our own lines that are drawn which we will not cross...and that is okay...but to expect others to stay behind that line is not...

i am not referring to deliberately hurtful behavior that is specifically designed to cause stress to another person...but even so, our own overreaction is the culprit...not the person crossing those lines...

i had two employees come to me last week with the same situation seen through two different sets of eyes...i saw each side...i understood that both people bring so much to the table through their energy and creativity...one is older and expects a certain degree of respect...the other is younger and also expects a certain degree of respect...

the expectations are valid, yet they cannot see eye-to-eye because their expecations are clouding their visions...neither was giving the other respect because each felt the other wasnt giving respect first...interesting circle, isnt it?...

the situation was resolved calmly and both felt rather sheepish when i pointed out my observations...

the bar of expectations we hold for others is significantly higher than the one we hold for ourselves...

any thoughts?

s

It actually hurts me now when I see people being torn down. Everything we do can be done with kindness and sensitivity. I have discovered a whole new world of training here on the net. In RL we so often speak before we think. Our words can cut deeply into people. But here on the net everything we say is printed before us. We can examine and see if what we say was our true intention. This has been a real lesson for me in RL. I now think longer before I speak, if I decide to speak at all.
The only person I can have great expectations for is myself. But we are all at different levels of wisdom and understanding. We need to accept everyone at whatever level they are at. We are all constantly growing and learning through experience and interaction. The more we accept people where they are, the greater their self expectations become.

@oracle - you hit exactly what i was hoping for...accepting people for "where they are" not where we think they should be...

but we tend to base our expectations of others on our own personal life experiences...

s

Respect is such a funny thing to me. I mean, everyone says that you have to earn respect and you can't buy it, but sometimes people try to earn respect the wrong way. Some people try to get respect by intimidation and acting bold and tough, but deep inside they're actually afraid to be known as a nobody. Then there's the case where you can't get any respect at all from a person because you can't get along with him/her. You end up having conflicts later on with that person because neither of you have an inch of respect for one another. For me, respect is one of those things that you just have to receive it by just being yourself.

@tsamurai - you cannot be respected when it is demanded...i never expect to be respected...i assume a person will do whatever it is in his/her nature to do...do i get frustrated with ignorance and self-importance?...absolutely...but i have to remember...it isnt about me...it is about whatever task i am doing...it is about my support of the people at work or anywhere else...

i cannot control the actions of others, only those of myself...and i offer respect always...because i always have the option of walking away...

(in school projects you cannot always walk away, but you can choose to focus on the task and ignore the poor choices of others...)

s

Well, I never encouraged myself to demand respect, but I was just saying that,to me, it's better to be the best person that you can be, always do the right thing, and to not earn respect in a bad way, like the examples I put out above: intimidation and force.

@tsamurai - that is one of the things i say to the children at our school "do something because it is the right thing to do...not because you receive anything for it"...

you have a good head on your shoulders and, from what you have mentioned, a good foundation of strength from your family...dont sweat the small stuff and enjoy the time you are given each day...

s

Thank you! I thank my mom and dad for the good head on my shoulders. They both been through so many things in their lives when they were young, so it's VERY mandatory to pass on what they learned in life to me.

Hopefully, I will enjoy many blessings and fun times in my lifetime.

With that attitude you probably will tsamurai. You will avoid many pitfalls, that's for sure.

Thank you, Oracle! ^_^

It always pays to try to see a situation through the eyes of someone else (try to walk in their shoes). Everything can have more than one side and it's not useful to think there is only one way to do things. It is hard for us to let go of our egos, but it is definitely worth taking a step back and not getting worked up over things which in the end don't really matter.

@ljspence - i agree that it is hard to let go...sometimes when people are fighting for control the most is when they cant let go and take that step back...

s

eh, nice idea. too bad it doesn't work often on larger scales aka religious wars.

after all, if you're already dead set on one idea, it's pretty darn hard to switch or look anything from another point of view. I mean look at civil rights movement, slavery, etc.

@ktc - good point...when in a position of any kind of authority, it becomes harder to see out of the eyes of everyone because of all those you are responsible for...you cannot please everyone so you have to have your own ideas and beliefs that must be strong in the face of dissention yet bend in the face of change...

s

Respect can be one of those gray areas in regards to many things, since many people do no feel respected unless the people they are interacting with display certain behavior.

With coworkers I think certain industries add other stress to the interactions with the there is only one mentality. Many people in those positions, constantly are in competition for the raise, to be number one, and seem more likely to try to always cast themselves in the best light possible (and usually at the expense of other people).

respect, like anything, is wide open to interpretation and varies from person to person...

s