@pinkjaguar - I always find the annoying characters the most hilarious.

alright, i'm gonna update real soon, i promise, but before i do, could everyone reading this please take the poll and tell me who should edward end up with? i'm voting for stella just so i can see the votes, but i would like your take on this. please vote!

Since you asked, definitely Mel. I'm a huge Mel/Ed supporter and CAN'T STAND Ed/Stella.

Ooohhhhh!!! This is so super duper funny!!! ^.^
Btw, I vote for Mel-Edward!

okay, guys, two things:

1) I haven't actually been on this SITE in over six months. It was a combination of schoolwork and interest in other things (finally got an xbox and skyrim takes up ALL of my spare time). I truly apologize.

2) I probably won't get back on the site for another six months, possibly more, because I have five very huge, very big things coming up in my life that will occupy most of my time (SAT'S, driver's ed, 8-hour job, visiting colleges, and applying for colleges)

My guess is that I can update within a month or two, if I find the time (mind you, I have to play the game in order to write this stuff, and the time and logistics between the conversations takes a while)

If not, then I am very sorry to dissappoint, but I may not even see you until a year from now, when I an all of my classmates get senioritis and snooze in the library.

I will try, but don't expect anything. Thanks for being interested, though. It means a lot.

No problem. Believe me, I understand how life interferes with stuff like fanfiction. Just glad to see you're still interested in writing this.

hey, what do you know? i had some time at like, 1 in the morning to post this. so here you go!

Ruins –
*after 6 hours of walking and dodging monsters*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: That was some great bonding time, Mel!
Mel: You mean almost getting killed by some feral wolves because Tei’jal had to abandon me without her ultimate bow of awesomeness? Seriously, though, she could of at least given it to me as a quest item or something….
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: LOOK OVER THERE!
Mel: What?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: It’s a bird!
Mel: Oh.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: LOOK LOOK LOOK! OVER THERE OVER THERE!
Mel: What?!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: It’s a pot.
Mel: That’s it, I’m out of here…
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: No wait, wait! Look over there!
Mel: Edward, I’m not looking at another stupid –
Mysterious Girl Who We All Know the Name Of Who Is the Only Person In This Parody Who Will Make Sense (MGWWAKTNOWITOPITPWWMS): Where am I?
Mel: Awwwwwww….A girl with a broken leg who could die at any moment…..WHY DOES MY DAY HAVE TO BE RUINED BY YOU?!?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Let’s take her back to Thais and have more bonding time along the way!!!
Mel: Oh, no, I’m staying here. How about YOU TWO have more bonding time, since you already ruined my day and everything.
MGWWAKTNOWITOPITPWWMS: Guys, my leg is really hurting.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..you’re injured. You’re not thinking straight.
MGWWAKTNOWITOPITPWWMS: Um.
Mel: Shut it, girl, you’re ruining my day.
MGWWAKTNOWITOPITPWWMS: Guys, my bone is broken. Like, cracked in two. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?
Mel: Oh, can it. Save it for flirting with lover boy here. BTW, Edward, allow me to introduce your new very best friend: STELLA!!!!!
Stella: You don’t know my name yet.
Mel: Yes I do.
Stella: No you don’t. You just said it so that the author could put back Edward’s extremely long acronym back onto her copy and paste.
Mel: No I….well….so what if I did? GO BOND WITH EDWARD!!!!! *kick*
Stella: OWWWWW!!!!! My. Leg. Is. BROKEN!!!!!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: weeee! let’s go have some bonding time! *whisks Stella off-screen*
Mel: Hey, and also I just found your ring that says “Stella” in it! So I DID know your name after all!
Stella: No you didn’t.

YAY, you finally updated!

"Seriously, though, she could of at least given it to me as a quest item or something…."

Well she did give her holy water.

hey, so, i'm just wondering who actually reads this anymore. b/c i'm sitting here in the middle of summer with nothing to do, and i realized i should probably update this. but then i realized i hadn't since, like, march. so, let me know if you still want me to keep updating.

Please keep updating! It's still hilarious!

Mel: BTW, Edward, allow me to introduce your new very best friend: STELLA!!!!!
Stella: You don’t know my name yet.
Mel: Yes I do.
Stella: No you don’t. You just said it so that the author could put back Edward’s extremely long acronym back onto her copy and paste.

awesome! my computer JUST got back from the shop after like four weeks, so I'll start updating as soon as I can (maybe even tonight!)

I hope to see the updates!

Well, I promised you an update, and here it is! I started writing and playing and couldn't find a very good stopping point, so I just kinda wrote until I felt tired. I'm going to bed right after this post (it's almost midnight where I am), but I hope you enjoy!

Dark Gloomy Town Hall Looking Building in Underworld (DGTHLBIU)

Mysterious Guy in Red Cloak We now know as Gyendal but I’m gonna keep the acronym cuz I can (MGRCWNKGIGKTACIC): My fellow vampires, it is time we rose up and committed genocide across all the world!

Random Vampire: So we have to destroy the universe – but HOW?!

MGRC: They have light on their side (not to mention a girl whose name literally means “light”. I’m sure she’s quite important.) But we have Mordred’s old ORB OF DARKNESS MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Another Random Vampire: Then we cannot fail!

MGRC: Yea, about that….

A Third Random Vampire: What is it, MGRC? You have told us what we need to do. You have shown us how to do it? So far your role as an evil villain has been spot on!

MGRC: Yes, well, that’s all very well and good, but….you see….there’s this…other orb.

Crowd of Vampires: ……

MGRC: But don’t worry! I destroyed it’s guardian (another girl named Stella. I wonder if there’s a relation between the two that will come back to haunt me later…..)!

Crowd of Vampires: HURRAH! That means you destroyed the other orb!

MGRC: Well…..not exactly…..it turns out that only a descendant of Mordred MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA can actually touch the orbs.

Crowd of Vampires: ……so far this plan has proved an utter failure.

MGRC: It’s okay though! Because I found the heir of Mordred MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Crowd of Vampires: HORRAY!!! Then we can finally rule the world! Where is she?

MGRC: Um…well…she sort of…..escaped?

Random Vampire: You know, as evil villains go, you’re not very good with following through with your plans, are you?

Another Random Vampire: But can’t we use the orb without her, now that we have it?

MGRC: Well…..

*A few of the vampires start to leave*

MGRC: Wait, wait, no, I did my research. Mordred’s MWAHAHAHAHA notes said that only a descendant of him who is also a mage can wield the orb. BUT that girl isn’t a mage, so it’s no big deal that we let her escape!

Crowd of Vampires: But we still need the heir to wield it…

MGRC: No worries! The notes talked of a way around it!

Crowd of Vampires: Which is?

MGRC: I…..haven’t quite….gotten that part yet.

*All the vampires leave*

MGRC: BUT WAIT!!!! WHAT ABOUT MY EVIL PLANNNN!!!!!

Meanwhile, back in Thais City –

Mel: Hmph! Miss Broken Legs Stella is so fond of Edward. I’m going home.

Author: You realize you sound a tad bit jealous, right?

Mel: I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Author: You were just complaining about him for the past fifteen posts, and now you’re jealous because some other girl stole your bonding time.

Mel: AM NOT! Now, go away or something while I walk casually to the left.

Author: Um, I wouldn’t go that way if I were—

Mel: Uh oh.

*A wild VAMPIRE appears!*

*Mel uses HOLY WATER!*

*It is super effective!*

Mel: I’d better get the heck home.

Mel’s House...Apartment...Two Room Shack –

Mel: Tei’jal! Are you here to finally give me your cool bow?!

Tei’jal: No. But I’m glad to see you’re alive.

Mel: Yea, MGRC found me. He must have this huge epic infallible plan to destroy me and everyone
else, huh?

Tei’jal: Well….not exactly.

*Tei’jal tells Mel of what she overheard at the meeting*

Mel: Well, if he’s that much of an idiot, why is he still trying to kill me?

Tei’jal: He still thinks he can use your, or some such BS. Maybe I should just kill you, save you from your terrible fate and having to pay that one guy a million gold coins.

Galahad: Don’t kill the maiden, wife. If you try, I shall protect her, because I think all women are helpless beauties who can’t fight for themselves.

Mel: Who’s that?

Tei’jal: Oh, that’s just my husband. Ignore him. The author hates him so much that whenever he speaks he only says that same line, so he won’t speak very often.

Mel: Oh, okay. So, what do you want me to do?

Tei’jal: Well, there’s that other orb in Naylith. Go there and get it. We’ll stay here and study books and find out literally nothing until you come along a game later and figure out in two seconds what it took us five years to learn.

Mel: YOU’RE LEAVING ME AGAIN?!?!? Do you have any idea how freaking hard that cave system to freaking Stormbend is, much less climbing a rock face to the top of a mountain to get to some city that we can’t even get to because there’s a bird with stones that will take us literally freaking AGES to even get UP THERE, much less find the orb, and you’re abandoning me NOW?!?!?!

Tei’jal: You know, you really should be more grateful. I gave you that Holy Water that saved your life.

Mel: *sigh* Can I at least have your bow?

Tei’jal: No.

*knock knock*

Mel: Stella! Wait, you just broke your leg. How the heck did you walk all the way here?

Stella: A healer fixed it. Duh.

Mel: What do you want?

Stella: Take me with you.

Mel: I don’t think so.

Stella: Look, I’m gonna tell you straight off the bat: I’m from Naylith, I’m the Guardian of that Orb you’re looking for, and even though I’m an amnesiac I’m freaking awesome and can just sense that you’ll need me once you FINALLY get up there.

Mel: ...fine. But you have to sleep on the streets.

Stella: No thanks, I’ll just go crash at Edward’s place....oops! I meant palace.

Mel: *seethes*

Author: I told you! Jealou—

Mel: Shut up.

*The Next Morning, Outside Thais*

Mel: Let’s go.

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Where are you going?

Mel: Oh no.

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Are you going to have bonding time without me?

Mel: No, EWFRPSGNBIDHG, we’re going to save the world. Care to join us?

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: More bonding time? OF COURSE!

Mel: It’s not bonding time. You might die at any moment. One of us might die. Both of us might die, and that leaves you without a potential marriage partner.

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Then I shall defend you till the end of time with my AMAZING swordsmanship (that I have never truly shown since I can’t even kill a wolf in one hit).

Mel: *rolls eyes* Fine. Maybe you and all your princey skills can get us safe travel through – actually, you know what? You’re a prince, why don’t you go get us a freaking army to protect us as we travel?

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: ...I can’t do that.

Mel: Why?

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Because the party can only hold seven people. Extras are just guests who can’t do anything. And you can only have four people in battle at a time anyway. A whole army would be useless.

Author: He has a point you kn—

Mel: If you say one more word I’m gonna….quit this game or….something.

Stella: Who are you talking to?

Mel: It’s not important. Let’s just go.

EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Wait, we have to tell EVERYONE we’re leaving even though this is a top secret special mission and vampires could show up at any second and murder everyone!

*EWFRPSGNBIDHG skips off into Thais City*

Mel: I’m beginning to think this game has a lot of loopholes.

Author: Trust me, you’re not the only one.

Yay! It's the update!

Still hilarious as usual

This is becoming less and less hilarious, and I think I know why: it's because LoT sort of drags towards the end. So, I wrapped up LoT in this one and the next update should start at the beginning of Gates of Night!

Also, sorry for the delay hours-wise. I realized that I was only playing the game again to get the story so I could tell the story, and yet all of my characters were dying from wolves in Brightwood Forest. So I looked up the goodie caves and loaded up on cheats so I would be able to play the game without having to worry about dying so often.

Well, here's the update: Enjoy, hopefully.

Mel: Alright, so Gray told me I should keep studying while I’m out there. I hope one of those agencies can teach me how to teleport so I don’t have to climb all of those freaking stairs. AGAIN.
Stella: I just learned I can use magic, even though the whole audience knew that already.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: And my mom just told me I can marry Mel!!!!
Mel: Woah, wait, what?!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Well, she said I have to marry someone by the time I get back to Thais. And it’s obvious who I’m gonna choose!
Mel: Before you get back to Thais, huh? Well, Edward, I always have wanted to see the world. How about we celebrate this upcoming wedding by travelling OUTSIDE of Thais for about, I don’t know, let’s say, the rest of our lives?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: More bonding time? SOUNDS AMAZING!
Stella: You two are such idiots.
*tons of walking and battling monsters later*
Mel: Right. So, I followed all the signs and this is what I get. A big old rusty cage thingy.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *smirks*
Mel: What are you smirking at?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Still think we can walk to Naylith?
Mel: What are you talking about?
Stella: *rolls eyes* Mel, it’s a giant floating city in the sky where the inhabitants have wings. How do you THINK we would have gotten there?
Mel: Oh. Um. I knew that.
Stella: Sure.
Mel: Also, around this time I tell you about my tie-ins with this evil vampire guy. Even though I’ve known EWFRPSGNBIDHG for almost a year now, I haven’t mentioned one single thing beyond the obvious lie I told him to cover up my background.
Stella: You aren’t a very good friend, Mel.
Mel: HE IS NOT MY FRIEND!!!! He’s like a…pet that sort of just hangs around and doesn’t do much except whine for attention.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Hey!
Stella: Actually, that sums him up perfectly.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG leaves the party*
Mel: Wait, why’d he just up and disappear?
Author: In the game he just does. He’ll be back in like two scenes though, don’t worry about it.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG joins the party*
Author: See?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Sorry, my game crashed. I was reconnecting.
Mel: *rolls eyes*

Meanwhile, at Evil Menacing Not-Really-That-Bad Darkthrop Tower (EMNRTBDT)
Tei’jal: I think I’ve found something!!!!
MGRC: Was that something…your doom?! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*Vampires take Tei’jal up to tower to burn in sunlight*
Galahad: Fear not, fair maiden, I shall rescue you!
MGRC: Don’t forget, she did sort of steal your soul, turn you into a vampire, force you to starve yourself without dying, AND always treats you horribly.
Galahad: Yes, devil spawn, I know all of these things.
MGRC: Then why not turn and run away?
Galahad: Because a scene is about to come up in which I decide to rescue her. And the aftermath in the tavern is so cleverly written and funny that the author of this series didn’t want to parody it. So I’m just gonna make the decision now.
MGRC: …
Galahad: Have at ye’, devil spawn of the night!
*MGRC disappears in a puff of smoke*
*Two WILD VAMPIRES appear!*
*Galahad uses FRIENDS ARRIVE TO SAVE THE DAY*
*It’s kind of effective. In that, Galahad dies in one hit.*
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG uses STATE THE OBVIOUS*
*It’s super effective!*
*Galahad uses HERE I HAVE STAKES AND I WAS REALLY DUMB FOR NOT USING THEM BEFORE!*
*It’s very super effective (and humiliating)*
*Everyone runs and recues Tei’jal because she’s awesome!*
Everyone: Hurray!
Mel: Tei’jal, we need to find these quarter pieces.
*Tei’jal chuckles softly to herself*
Mel: What’s wrong?
Tei’jal: Oh, nothing. It’s just…if you were planning on going to Naylith in this game, you shall be bitterly disappointed.
Mel: Why?
Tei’jal: Because only one of these keys is on the mainland. And do you happen to have a boat? Or some magical teleportation device?
Mel: Well, Gray told me that I would have to train. Maybe one of them would have a—
*Tei’jal walks away giggling.*
Mel: *sighs* Author, does this game have a satisfying ending?
Author: Not in the slightest.
Mel: Okay. Does this game have anything else of interest to offer me?
Author: Well, you find the first key on a sleeping princess. Then the game sort of just ends there.
Mel: Can we skip ahead to the next game?
Author: Absolutely.

Quote:I like that part! It is totally funny.

it's supposed to be a reference to minecraft and the multiplayer system. i'm glad you liked the joke.

short one today. i'm running low on fuel for my jokes. i've been playing for the past two hours and I haven't thought of one good joke. maybe after i collect all the quarter keys, things will get a tad bit more entertaining.

Thais Castle –
King: You say pirates are fighting? Give them something NEW to fight about. I mean, something really NEW. I hope you catch my drift when I say NEW. Like, give them something else OTHER THAN what they’re fighting about.
Stella: Yes, I think we’ve got that.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Well, dad, there’s also another problem.
King: Which is?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Heptitus stole the quarter piece we just got from the ice princess in the castle, and we sort of need to defeat her/steal back the key.
King: You want to fight Heptitus?
Mel: Yea, she was a tad bit angry with us because we broke her curse.
King: Did you honestly say Heptitus?
Mel: Yes, that’s what we said.
King: THE Heptitus? The one that took three separate slogs of fan fiction to even discover her whereabouts, much less defeat her?
Mel: Um…
King: And didn’t Emma already kill her anyway?
Mel: Who the heck is Emma?
King: One of your ancestors, probably. Or Edward’s.
Tei’jal: Hey, I remember Emma! She was that cool swords-lady with the green hair, right? Wait, you’re saying she killed Heptitus? Then what the heck is she doing in this day and age?
King: I have absolutely no idea.
*A rogue Arrogant Smug Face appears!*
*Audience uses GROAN*
*It’s not that effective*
Arrogant Smug Face: Oh HAI Edward!!!! *blows kisses*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Let’s get the heck out of here.
Queen: Oh, Edward, before you go.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yes, mum?
Queen: Remember that deal you made. You have to bring home a—
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: NO MOTHER!!!! DON’T SAY IT!!!1
Queen: - wife from this silly quest of yours.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: MOTHER YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL! NOW ARROGANT SMUG FACE WILL JOIN THE PARTY AND BE THE WORST MAGE EVER AND EVERYTHING GOING TO GO TO HELL!!! WHYYYYYY?!?!
Arrogant Smug Face: Jeez, I’m not that bad.
Mel: *laughs* Oh, trust me, you are.
*Later, at the entrance to Stormbend*
Mel: Game creators, I couldn’t help but notice you specifically designed the rocks here to only fit one person. Is there any reason for that?
Game Creators: Mwahaha. We’ll never tell. You’ll find out, though, right about….now.
Arrogant Smug Face: Oh, Eddiekins!!!!!
Mel: *facepalm*

Alright folks, another one. I finally collected all the keys so I decided to write what happened next:

*Later, at Naylith Summit, after about five straight hours of questing (or five years of game time)*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Hurrah! We’ve finally collected all four keys! Let’s see what they do.
*Stella steps back and snickers*
Mel: What’s up, Stella?
Stella: Oh, nothing. Just, you might wanna step back just a bit.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG puts all four quarter keys into the slot*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh. An egg. Stella, I was suspecting something bigger. Like, I don’t know, a giant bird or something.
*Stella cracks up laughing*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What?!
Moo Hatchery –
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Okay, so we just put the egg in here and pull this switch.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG pulls the switch*
Everyone except Stella: AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OHMIGOD IT’S A GIANT BIRD!!!!! IT’S A GIANT FLIPPING BIRD IN THE HOUSE!!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHATDOWEDO?!?!?!?!
*Stella falls to the floor laughing*
Back at Naylith Summit –
Stella: Go on in, guys. The bird’s waiting.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Wait, you’re saying go INTO the cage? Like, lock ourselves in there?
Stella: Yes. That way we can fly—
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: IT WILL EAT US ALIVE!!!!
Ulf: My intuition tells me that the bird is a docile beast. It means us no harm.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: …
Mel: …
Tei’jal: Um…who is this?
Ulf: I’m Ulf. You saved me from that Orc prison? I joined your party a few hours back?
Tei’jal: I do not remember anyone joining our—
Stella: Guys, chill out. He’s just normally quiet, that’s all.
Mel: Okay…it’s just, I’m getting the weirdest sense that this guy is completely useless to the party and has no skill to offer us other than being good with a hammer and looking studious.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: I also feel like we’re gonna forget about him as soon as we stop talking about him.
Stella: You guys are being mean.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What, we’re being mean? To who?
Stella: *sighs* Just…get in the cage.
Random Cave by the Hillside –
Stella: The Orb of Light is in this cave. Let’s go.
Mel: No. We’re going this way.
Stella: Why?!
Mel: Stella, we just spent five years game time collecting these keys. We wasted tons of the author’s spare time by wandering around and doing favors for people when they really should do it themselves. We are going to Naylith. We are not ending the game now. We’re going to Naylith.
Stella: But…what about stopping Gyendal?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Stella, we’ve been travelling for five freaking years. Don’t you think Gyendal can wait another five minutes? He’s had all this time to launch a surprise attack on us or something. Now shut up and let’s go visit the Druids.
Naylith Township –
Random Naylithian: How did you get here? We’ve made it very difficult for the wingless to get here.
Everyone: Oh, trust us. We know.
Pemberly Keep –
Stella: Edward, at some point we’re gonna have to go back up there.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yea, but then the game will end and we won’t have a chance to look around and enjoy this quaint little city.
Stella: Edward, whatever your plan is—
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Doesn’t involve you. So, you don’t have to worry! Hey Mel!!! I have to ask you something!
Stella: *to self* You know, I’m all for opposites attract, but I really thought I had some chemistry with that guy.
Author: If it’s any consolation, I had him marry you in my real game. This one’s just because the audience asked for the Mel/Edward pairing.
Stella: Can you transport me to that game?
Author: No, but I can lend you the thoughts of your character from that game.
*Magic author stuff happens*
*Stella smiles*
Stella: Thanks, pinkjaguar12. Now I can laugh as he tries to face Mel with this question.
*Cut to EWFRPSGNBIDHG talking to Mel*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: So, Mel, I need to tell you something.
Mel: Yes?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: You know all those times that I’ve been giving you flowers and reading love sonnets to you and dedicating stars in your name?
Mel: You mean those really cheesy not at all romantic things you did? Yea, what about them?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Well, the whole time I was secretly brainwashing you so you would like me enough to accept the offer I’m about to propose *ahem* I mean ask you.
Mel: *looks bored* Which is?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel…will you marry me?

Now, the question remains: Should she say yes? Or no?

Mind you, I won't post another one of these until SOMEONE answers me. Though, judging by the poll on top of this thread, the answer's probably gonna be yes.

Mel's fate is up to you!

Quote:I love that joke. It is very hilarious! and makes me laugh to almost death.
For the yes or no question: I think Mel should say NO because Edward and the "Arrogant Smug Face" will eventually get married! I'd like that choice.