thanks for the response, but even I'm not cruel enough to pair Edward with Lydia in any story.

though if you had another reason for Mel's saying no......

The reason of Mel says no because she then hears Stella laughing aloud until all of the place broke down! That would be funny enough.

i just remembered that there are two places you can choose edward's bride: here, at the end of gate of night, and at the very VERY end of darkthrop prophecy. so, maybe mel says no now, and by the time i get around to darkthrop prophecy she could say yes (or more people will vote for stella). but for now.....no?

Go with canon. TLO's default bride is Mel so Mel should say yes now and have the final bride in TDP be Stella.

alright, now it's coming. see, boring questing is one thing, but actual dialouge and stuff is fun and exciting and makes me want to parody it more. hope you enjoy.

Pemberly Keep –
Mel: …. Sure, Edward, why shouldn’t I be extra super crazy and marry YOU?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Is that a yes?
Mel: That’s a big old fat NO, Edward. Like anyone in their right minds would want to marry—
Author: Ahem.
Mel: *To Edward* Oh, hold on. *To Author* WHAT?!
Author: You’re supposed to say yes.
Mel: YES?! To this lunatic?
Author: That’s what the audience wants. For you to say no then say yes but then eventually turn against Edward in the end anyway.
Mel: So….am I supposed to say yes or no?
Author: I have no idea.
Mel: Grrrrr. *Turns to Edward* Edward, I now formally and officially announce that you have just found yourself a wife.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: So you’ll marry me then?
Mel: Yea, sure, fine. Whatever.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: WONDERFUL! I’ll go tell Father and he’ll unlock the awesome third level of the castle for us!
Mel: Okay. Wait, did you ask me to marry you just so you could unlock some rooms in your castle?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Maybe…..
Later, Back in Naylith:
Mel: Guys, are we sure we wanna go in there?
Stella: Yes. We must. The caverns will lead us right to the orb where an epic showdown will go down between me and everyone else after I betray you.
Mel: ……wait, what?
Stella: Nothing. Let’s just go inside.
*A few minutes of giant killing later*
Mel: At last, we’ve found the orb’s location.
*Mel picks up the orb and it glows*
Darkthrop: MELLLLL…..MELLLLL……keep me close, Mel……don’t let anyone else have me, Mel……I’m your precioussssss…….
Mel: Ugh, why are all of these things so weird. Here, Stella, you take it.
Ulf: WAIT, NO, DON’T DO IT!!!
*Stella smashes the orb on the ground*
Everyone: NOOOO!!!!!
Ulf: SEE?! I may be quiet and useless in a fight, but I’m a bit omnipotent!
Arrogant Smug Face: Who cares? You’re still useless in our eyes. Why didn’t you stop her?!
Ulf: Why didn’t you?
Arrogant Smug Face: I was filing my nails! I couldn’t let them get chipped!
Ulf: *rolls eyes*
Tei’jal: We have to go to Aveyond.
Mel: To help put this mess right?
Tei’jal: No, to make sure Lydia actually has a soul somewhere under all her dresses.
Arrogant Smug Face: Hey!
Random Cave:
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: That storm outside is brutal.
Arrogant Smug Face: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, MEL!
Mel: Yes, suddenly, I control the weather.
Arrogant Smug Face: Well, you were controlling that orb thingy. You could have changed the weather then!
Ulf: Lydia, eventually Mel will have enough power to change the weather. I’d watch my tongue if I were you.
Arrogant Smug Face: Shut up, orc! No one cares about you!
Mel: Me, control the weather? *laughs maniacally* Hehe, just wait until I can send a hailstorm your way.
*Later, after everyone has slept*
Mel: Hey, where’d Stella go?
Arrogant Smug Face: She obviously left, idiot. Let’s keep moving. My dress is getting RUINED.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Wait, but, we have to look for her! She could be hurt!
Tei’jal: No, we should keep moving.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: We’re just gonna leave her?!
Mel: Well, yea Edward. That’s kinda what we’re doing. What’s this sudden passion for her anyway? I thought you were engaged to me!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: You’re right. Let’s keep moving.
Mel: *to self* I’m not gonna forget that one, Edward. You care for her. Maybe that way I can get out of this ridiculous marriage.
Author: See? Now you’re onto my little scheme.
Mel: *smiles* I love having someone to actually truly talk to.
Author: I’m still gonna make you do whatever I say.
Mel: Whatever.
Aveyond Temple –
Oracle: Alright, child. Now tell your old oracle about your troubles.
Mel: So I’m just supposed to tell you my entire story? You know, unlike in books, telling your entire life story takes a bit more time than I have.
Oracle: Just sit down and tell it!
Mel: Right, you don’t have to yell….
*The Oracle listens*
Oracle: Alright. Now, I have the diary of the son of Mordred Darkthrop around here somewhere. Ah, here it is!
Diary: Dear Diary, Today I realized my wife was pregnant. Kind of a bad thing to realize after you’ve pinned yourself down in a collapsed tower with no food or water and nothing but a diary. But still, I’m happy for her. The only problem now is, I don’t think she quite realizes that she’s pregnant with a baby that could potentially destroy the world. Well, anyway. If anyone finds this diary, I want them to know two things. One, Mordred Darkthrop isn’t that funny. He just makes others laugh and laugh until they die laughing. That might be your chance at beating him one day, if he survived all this. Two, there aren’t two orbs, there are four. By the end of all of these games in a thousand years time, literally none of them are going to exist (hopefully), but this is just a heads up. I’m feeling a bit woozy now, so I’m just gonna go and die. I hope my wife knows what she’s doing.
Oracle: OH NOES!
Mel: What is it?!
Oracle: Your friend! She’s in terrible danger!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Stella?! Guys, didn’t I tell you she was gonna go hurt herself! Come on, we have to go!
Mel: *to self* Ah, the compassion grows stronger.
Author: Care for a bit of heart manipulation?
Mel: *smiles impishly* It would be my pleasure.
Random Cave 2 –
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: STELLA! *looks expectantly at Lydia*
Arrogant Smug Face: What? *sighs* Oh. Ugh. Remind me again why I have to save this girl?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Because you’re nice? At least in the game you are….
Arrogant Smug Face: FINE. *saves Stella* There, happy? Do I get a kiss or something?
MGRC: Of course! You can have the kiss of DEATH!!!!!!
*MGRC bites Lydia’s neck*
Arrogant Smug Face: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Lydia becomes a vampire!!!
Arrogant Smug Face: Change me back, change me back!
MGRC: Oh, I will. I’ll change you back. But you have to promise me something…
*MGRC whispers in Lydia’s ear. Her eyes widen. She smiles and nods*
MGRC: MWAHAHAHAHA! NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOW!!!!
*MGRC grabs Mel and leaves*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *weakly* Mel!
Mel: *to self* You know, he totally married me just to get that castle floor, didn’t he?
Author: Yup.

Quote:I like that part where Lydia gets the kiss of death and turns to a vampire!

short one today, guys, cuz I'm tired.

Later, at The Cliffs of Remembrance –
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh, great, the entrance is blocked.
Arrogant Smug Face: Whatever is in there will make me turn human again. I have to get inside!!!!!
Tei’jal: Were you ever human to begin with?
*Stella giggles*
Arrogant Smug Face: Alright, stand back!
*Arrogant Smug Face blasts open the door!*
Arrogant Smug Face: See? I’m a wonderful mage.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Great, you opened a door. I’m pretty sure you could do that with a stick and the word “Alohamora.” Now can we get going?
Memory Cavern –
Stella: Wow, vampires are stupid.
Tei’jal: Hey!
Stella: Well, honestly, who hides an orb that vampires could use to destroy the world/turn human again right under their very noses?
Tei’jal: Um, my brother?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What does your brother want with this orb anyway, if Mel can’t use it?
Ulf: Well, eventually Mel will become—
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!
Ulf: Hmph!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What’s your brother’s big plan, anyway?
Tei’jal: Well, it’s not a PLAN exactly. More like a string of thoughts with so many loopholes that it’s become hopelessly tangled and useless.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: So why did he kidnap Mel?
Arrogant Smug Face: Probably to prove to you what a lousy husband you make.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *ignores Arrogant Smug Face* Stella, you should stay here. If MGRC is looking through you and sees you here, he’ll think we’re here, and not in the church.
Stella: You are such an idiot.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What?! Why?!
Stella: Gyendal can just look into my mind and see what’s happening at any moment, including listening to conversations. HE just heard you say that we would fake him out, so he won’t be faked out and he’ll head you off at the church.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: That’s absurd! Everyone, let’s go.
Later, Outside of The Church/Meeting Hall
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: You know, I really wish Mel were here.
Tei’jal: Because she’s your fiancée and you miss her?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: No, because she had on these boots that could make the entire party move twice as fast.
Mel (from inside the church): I HEARD THAT!
Arrogant Smug Face: Oh, come on. Sooner we save rat girl the sooner I can become human again!
Tei’jal: Maybe then we’ll see if you actually had a soul from the start.
Inside the Church:
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Alright, so, we got totally pwned by ONE vampire, and now we’re taking on three at once? What could possibly go wrong?!
*One fight later. All of the party still has at least half of their health left*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: HOW THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!?!
Mel: Ahem.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh, yea, and I need to free you and stuff. Here you go.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG wildly swings his sword in the direction of Mel, conveniently cutting off her the ropes without so much as scratching her*
Mel: I’ll take him! I’ll take him on right here, right now!
Tei’jal: Carful. My brother was weak under the moon and stars above. Here, not so much.
Mel: Wait, I thought vampires preferred to travel by night.
Tei’jal: THEY FREAKING SPARKLE IN THE SUN! What am I supposed to know about them?!
Mel: Well, you are one.
Arrogant Smug Face: So am I, and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT. Hmmm, I wish I could sparkle in the sun. Then everyone could see how beautiful I am.
Mel: Let’s just go. Maybe we could leave you down here or something. finally you have a place where you fit in.
*Mel joins the party*
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: YAY! Now we can walk twice as fast!
Mel: I hate you.

Quote:Hahaha! Vampires sparkles in the sun?!

I have no bloody idea what just happened. I guess this parody is just not for me. I'm not enjoying it

@d_a: I think this is where Lydia blast through the cave to battle Gyendal.

@d_a i'm sorry you're not enjoying it i'm writing it on the basis of every time a cutscene happens, i just parody the cutscene dialogue. sorry if it seems confusing. that's just how i'm doing things.

It's mostly because of the weird ASHJGASJHGAS abbreviations you give to the characters.

Yes, I knew the abbreviations are weird. But it is not an annoying abbreviation. It makes them funnier!

thx beginners. yea, i said at the very beginning that i would be using them a LOT. i try to limit them to just edward's name and gyendal's name, but i can see how they would be confusing.

PLEASE DO MORE!!!

It is sooo funny!
I really hope you do the lost orb because it was my favourite in AV3!

why thank you! i plan to do all four games, don't worry. i'm almost at the end of gates of night anyway. problem is.....

guys, my school starts back up again next Tuesday. which means I might not have as much time as I did during the summer. which means you might be seeing updates less and less. but have no fear! i might be ED'ing, and that might mean i'll be in college by January! anyway, i'll try and update as much as I can, but remember, my schoolwork comes first (advanced biology is NOT going to be fun).

Yes, me too. I guess I should spend the last few days on working on the homework and I cannot be around here. About the biology lesson: I think if the teacher is nice and uses a good method to teach, then why should you think it is not fun.

Back in the Memory Cavern –
Stella: Mel, guess what? Gyendal’s a total idiot!
Mel: I think we all realized that a few chapters back when his plan failed miserably and everyone hated him. But thanks for the info.
Arrogant Smug Face: Come on, guys. The sooner we do this the sooner I can become human again!
*Nothing happens*
Stella: *facepalm* Of course it won’t work for you, Lydia. You’re a freaking vampire. Let me try…
*A rogue Gyendal appears!*
MGRC: Stop right there!
Mel: Ugh. Not you.
MGRC: What do you plan on doing about me? Blasting me? You’re worthless!
Tei’jal: Then why do you want her so much?
MGRC: Um….because! She’s gonna help me take over the world!
Mel: Dude, I’m not a mage!
Ulf: Yes you are—
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!
Mel: I’m not a mage. So why do you need me? Take royal snob-job over here!
Arrogant Smug Face: Hey!
MGRC: BECAUSE!!! IT’S ALL PART OF MY EVIL PLAN!
Mel: You’re plan kinda sucks.
MGRC: IT DOESN’T MATTER! You can’t use the orb anyway. I’m a vampire!
Stella: It’s an orb of LIFE. Man, you are an idiot.
MGRC: SILENCE!!!!!!!!!
*EPIC BATTLE COMMENCES*
*EPIC BATTLE FAILS!!!!!*
Stella: Oh, for goodness sakes. You guys have a mage and Mel, just USE THE FREAKING ORB ALREADY!
*Mel uses the orb!*
MGRC: Well, drat.
*MGRC turns human and falls over unconscious*
*Stella collapses*
Arrogant Smug Face & Tei’jal: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mel: What’s wrong?!
Tei’jal: IT TURNED ME INTO A HUMAN!!!!!! IT TURNED ME INTO A HUMAN!!!!!
Arrogant Smug Face: IT DIDN’T TURN ME INTO A HUMAN!!!! IT DIDN’T TURN ME INTO A HUMAN!!!!!!
Mel: *grins* I don’t understand!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, it gave them back their souls! Gyendal’s human, Tei’jal’s human!
Arrogant Smug Face: BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!?!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *grins* Tei’jal was right, Lydia. You didn’t have a soul to begin with.
Arrogant Smug Face: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN THE KINGDOM AS A VAMPIRE?!?!?!?!?!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Wait, who said that you would be running the kingdom?
Arrogant Smug Face: Um….no one! Forget I said that!
Mel: Um, guys? What’s wrong with Stella?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: STELLA!
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG runs over to Stella*
Mel: Oh, yea, sure, don’t bother asking if I’M okay.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: She’s…..she’s dead.
*Mel quietly slips the Orb of Life into her backpack before EWFRPSGNBIDHG notices*
Mel: Oh no. Well, I’m sorry for your loss.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: We’ll take her back to Thais.
Mel: Oh, yea, give her a proper burial and stuff. Right.
*EWFRPSGNBIDHG takes Stella’s body and walks off*
Arrogant Smug Face: What are you hiding?
Mel: Me? Nothing.
Arrogant Smug Face: you know something we don’t. What is it?
Mel: Hey, Lydia, you wanna rule the kingdom one day, right?
Arrogant Smug Face: Of course.
Mel: *grins* Then be extra careful not to let EWFRPSGNBIDHG know that this orb can bring people back from the dead.
*Mel smashes the orb of darkness*
Mel: Well. That’s the last of them.
Ulf: Um, actually…
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!
 
Later, back in Thais –
King: OMG! THAT EVIL GUY WHO FAILED MISERABLY AT TRYING TO ENSLAVE HUMANITY! HEADMASTER ULF!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!!
*literally a second later*
Ulf: You needed me, your highness?
Mel: Wait, how the heck did you get up those stairs so fast?
Ulf: I’m awesome. Now what do you want?
King: Take care of this vile creature!
*Ulf takes Arrogant Smug Face and throws her in the dungeon*
Arrogant Smug Face: HEY!
King: No, I meant that evil guy in the red cloak.
Ulf: Oh. Well, I think I just saved you some trouble in the future, why don’t I just leave her in there?
King: Fine by me. She’s annoying.
Arrogant Smug Face: NOOOO!!!!
Mel: Well, I guess that’s that. Hey, Edward, wanna go exploring with me?
King: Oh now you don’t. It’s time for you to become king!
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh, fine. Then can I go adventuring with Mel?
King: Of course.
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Awesome!
King: By the way, have you found a bride?
EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yep. Here she is.
* EWFRPSGNBIDHG points to Mel*
Mel: *waves shyly* Hi.
King: Wonderful! You’ll be married in the morning! I’m sure it will go swimmingly!
Ulf: Actually, it probably won-
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!

LOLZ on the "SHUT UP" part!

Hahaha! This is funny! I love the bits where everyone tells Ulf to shut up