I'll tell u a joke.I'm sure you will like it.
"One day the headmaster of a school wanted to test the knowledge of his students.So when he went inside a class room,he asked a very hard question.The maths teacher was so worried that no one knew the answer, he was sweating from head to foot.Then suddenly a boy stood up and said "42 sir"."How do u know my son?"asked the headmaster."I have a brother sir,he is 21 years old and he's half mad.
(If u didn't understand the joke it means that the boy is trying to say that the headmaster is full mad because he asked such a hard question and 21 is the half of 42.So he's saying his own headmaster is full mad!)Do u understand?
Please share some of the jokes you know so that we can laugh and laughter is the best medicine!!
I hope this is a good topic I started!!!

Here's my father's favorite joke:

A very rich man was dying. He brought together his three best friends: a lawyer, a doctor and a priest. The dying man says, "I know that they say you can't take it with you when you die, but I'm going to try." He gives each man $10,000 and he says, "now when you pass by my grave at the burial I want you to throw in the money so it will be with me forever." The men all agree.

The man dies and as each of the other three pass by his casket in the grave at the burial they all throw in a packet. Afterwards the three are together and the lawyer says to the other two, "I have to confess. I did a terrible thing. I really needed to pay for a new office desk, so I only threw in $7,000." Then the doctor says, "I'm really glad that you said that. I really needed a new X-ray machine in the office, so I only threw in $4,000." The priest looks at the others and shakes his head. "I can't believe both of you did such a thing. I threw in a check for the whole amount."

A man goes to see his shrink and says "Doc Im worried, 2 nights ago I had a dream I was a tee-pee. Last night I drempt I was a wig-wam. What could this mean?" Doctor thought for a minutes and said " you need to calm down your too tense."(2 tents)

This is one of my favorites...

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 40 years."

Nice jokes!!!So funny!!

Garfield on the Oil Crisis -


A lot of folks can't understand how we came

to have an oil shortage here in our country.

~~~

Well, there's a very simple answer.

~~~

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

~~~

We just didn't know we were getting low.

~~~

The reason for that is purely geographical.

~~~

Our OIL is located in

~~~

ALASKA

~~~

California

~~~

Coastal Florida

~~~

Coastal Louisiana

~~~

Kansas

~~~

Oklahoma

~~~

Pennsylvania

and

Texas

~~~

Our

DIPSTICKS

are located in

Washington, DC !!!

Any Questions ???

NO? I didn't Think So

this is kinda like riddles, only woth jokes.
heres one i thought up:
i would like some jelly on rye.
(only people who have played AV2 will get that one)

sorry i don't get it and it's not because I haven't played AV2 because I have...maybe I'm just not that bright when it comes to jokes...

@Oracle: the one with Satan is really funny!

Once a thief saw a house and since there were no lights switched on inside; he assumed it was empty and climbed through the window to rob it. While he was collecting the valuables; he heard a voice:

"I can see you and so can God."

Alarmed, the thief flashed his torch around around, but couldn't see anyone. Thinking that the voice had just been his imagination; he went back to looting the house.
After a while he heard the voice again:

"I can see you and so can God."

The thief again flashed his torch. This time his eyes fell on a parrot in a cage, nearby.

"Ha! Your only a parrot!" said the thief.

The parrot replied, "I may be only a parrot but God is a Rottweiler!"

(if this joke seems inappropriate or offensive on religious context; by all means let me know and i'll remove it. though i may add that i do not see it as intended for any representation of God in any form and i believe it to only highlight a case of mistaken identity on the thief's part and simply the dog's name to be borrowed from god's. if what i have just said seems blabbing to you than you are not alone! )

do post some more jokes here everyone...

There was a town where a man and wife went to live and they decided to raise barn animals and sell them to the townfolk. The pair wondered what people would buy so they asked some people walking by who said their town is short on pork products.

The couple went out and bought some young pigs, raised them to be big and plump and sold them to the meat market for a great price. Townfolks bought almost all of it and then the butcher in the meat market said "I could sure use somebody to sharpen all these tools, but there is no one in this town skilled enough to do the job."

The couple heard that and, by coincidence, they were skilled blacksmiths from where they were from. They offered their services of sharpening the tools if they could get more money for the pigs they sold to the butcher. He agreed.

Things were going well until the lady who was selling the pigs said one day she had to increase the price on the pigs the couple buy.

The husband asked "Why did the price go up?" The lady said "I couldn't help it. The sows heard about how you were making more money and wanted more money for their babies."

Some 'Useful' Diet Tips:

1- If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories

2- If you drink a diet soda with a candy, they will cancel each other out.

3- Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes chocolate, brandy, toast, etc.

4- If you fatten up everyone around you, you'll look thinner

5- Piece of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage

6- Late night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter

7- You should all remember science class from school. A 'calorie' is a unit of heat, therefore cold foods have no calories. Ice Cream is frozen and is an excellent diet food. It results in 'negative' calories.

one day a blonde woman went to an electronics store.
she asked" can i buy this tv".
the store salesman said"im sorry i dont sell to blondes"
.she went home and changed her clothes and put her hair in a different style and went back.
she asked"can i buy this tv?"
.the salesmen said"im sorry i dont sell to blondes".
she went home and died her hair and got plastic surgery and went back.
she asked"can i buy this tv?".
the salesmen said"im sorry i dont sell to blondes".
she asked "how did u know i was a blonde?".
he said "because thats a micro wave".

lol
ok ok i personnally dont think blondes are dumb like people say so dont get me wrong. my friend told me this joke and i thought it was funny

I heard this joke from a movie.

There once was a forest. The wild animals decided to held a "tell-a-joke" contest there and the ox, the goat joined.

When the Ox finished saying his joke, everyone at the stadium laughed out loud exepct the pig.

Then, when the goat came to the stage and told his joke, the pig was the only one bursting into laughters.

This confused the audience so the hen asked:

"What's so funny about his joke?!"

Then the pig said,"I finally get what the ox said!"

*******another blonde joke*************

Again, if you think I'm being "Racist", gtho because jokes aren't supposed to be taken seriously.

There once had a magic mirror, which would suck anyone who lied.

One day, a brunette came in and said to the mirror,"I think I'M the most prettiest girl in the world.", then the mirror sucked her.

A red head came in front of the mirror and said the same thing and the mirror sucked her in.

A blonde came into the room and said:

"I think-"

then the mirror sucked her......

oooo i have a joke in the form of a question


how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

thats an old question,any1 can answer it if they havnt by the next post i will post the answer

i know where your getting at but i dont think its funny

4 woods? (in the sentence)
A disgusting joke:
A cat walks for a while in the desert. Suddenly he has to go to the toilets, as there are no toilets in the desert. He does the thing but he has no sheets to wipe his **? What will he do?

You don't know? Will you give your tongue to the cat?

(In French: donner sa langue au chat > we don't know the answer)

I liked it. He wants to eat Rye, but first he wants to put Jelly on him.
Just so ya'll know, I DO NOT taste good with jelly, in case you're getting any ideas... *quickly puts shield on*
Poor Rye, why do you have to pick on him? Emma does that enough...
(jk)
Do we have to include the answer? oh well, i can always edit...
(this one's not really funny, but...)
How many people does it take to build two houses?
Edit: and now, presenting... THE ANSWER!!!
(please highlight) None. Houses aren't made of people.

the answer to my question is

a wood chuck could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
?(!^_^!)? lol so confusing isnt it

DON"T ANSWER!!!!!!!!! I've heard that 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
times!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want it here, but then thats probably why you put it-you, like me can't think of anything else `cause thats all you hear...
but if you want, I'll post the answer.

I get the Rye joke.