Amaranth Games   Games   News   Order   Community   Help   Blog   Goodies   Updates   Guides Developers
Username:    Password:      Register now!
Game Genres
All Games
RPG
Adventure
SIM
Story
Cute
Game Kits
Amaranth Games (games only by us)
Newest Game
Featured Game
Edolie
Edolie
Popular Games


Browsing this Thread:   1 Anonymous Users

      Register To Post
(1) 2 »
Random question . . . #1
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
Well, I'm not one to babble in public, but I have a simple question.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone.


Well, my former best friend of years and years, has recently been betraying me, and honestly I take it as a full-time break up. No need to detail what she has done, it is not important.

Well, we were at some point girlfriends, but we broke up and we somehow managed to keep together...and it worked up till 4 months ago. I wanna add that the relationship has been helping me a lot and I am thankful to her, despite the abuse I did take in my face, but it's okay.

Since then she has become lusty, greedy, and seemingly she began to really don't care about anything. I recently invited her over, still, all she has done was ashaming me with her behavior. My family, my friends and I fought together and I almost broke up with a lot of them. I decided this woman wasn't worth anymore my time and now could only mean trouble. I still kept with her. The ending blow, well, I'll just say a terrible event happened.

So I broke all links with her.

But here's the problem, even now I feel so guilty of having done that. I feel I was responsible and I also wonder why has she started behaving in such an erratic manner. I wanna forgive her, I really do, though if I get back with her it's going to be more abuse and shame. She blames me that I owe her, I owe her so much and I could never pay her back. I feel really bad about it so..I'm wondering..How can I overcome these feelings? I don't find a reason not to get back with her, even though I know it's going to shatter me even more.

I'm just looking for advice, it's not really my type, but I feel terrible about it. I feel like a horrible person for destroying everything, well, I'm that desperate to ask around. My family's too biased and my friends and girlfriend too, and I understand them, I really need neutral eyes..I guess I can find this here.


I know it's a very stupid matter but it takes me down at a moment in my life where everything I've built should shine, and at a point where everything and I mean just EVERYTHING is better than anything I've had before. I did what I wanted to do and I really have a wonderful life, but these feelings keep coming back, I'm imagining conversations with my ex-best friend, and I somehow feel so guilty and dirty (well, dirty is another subject which I'm going to avoid speaking about.)...Give me advice please?


PS. No I'm not married anymore. A certain change in my civil identity pushed for this, and I can say this change doesn't have any impact on my relationship with her, or with the friend I'm speaking about.





Amy

Posted on: 2011/9/26 4:31


Re: Random question . . . #2
Offline   Valkyriet
  Druids
gold   2625 Gold
Level : 36
EXP : 46
HP : 177 / 886
MP : 643 / 13520
In situations like this, I understand if you're feeling guilty about things, but trust me when I say that to a stranger or an outsider who is not connected with the issue, you are not guilty of anything at all. People make mistakes; it's natural. You shouldn't feel bad about anything, or you'll never be able to do or think with a clear mind. So don't be trouble, Amy-chan ^_^

As for your friend, it is perhaps possible that she is/was going through some family or other hardships and did not disclose that to anyone. If she is a sensitive person, then these will have affected her badly, and even so, family troubles are always the worst. It's a psychological matter. What you can still do is, you can have a frank and direct talk with her and ask her what is troubling her. Or ask if she is hiding anything from everyone, and why she thinks you guilty. You have to be patient while you do this though. It's because she might behave rebelliously and shout at you, or tell you not to bother.

Even if it's not any kind of problems, still, a talk with her should improve the current situation. Before doing that, you have to clear your conscience. Only after you talk to her and now the exact truth, should you judge. Don't blame yourself unreasonably =)

I hope everything works out.. Take care Amy-chan, and don't be sad =3 *hug*

Posted on: 2011/9/26 5:52
_________________


I am going to ride my multi-colored penguin to Never Never Land while it dances to Hip-Hop and poops magical pixie glitter


Re: Random question . . . #3
Offline   yannes
  Amaranthian
gold   836 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 47
HP : 117 / 586
MP : 243 / 6582
I also understand why you feel guilty, because I have been in a somewhat similar situation I think, but this is the way I see it:

Friendship is based on the personality, and not on the peson itself. You don't like sopmewone because she is 5 feet tall, hassbrown hair and a nice set of teeth, but because she is funny, undrstanding, and what not.
Personalities, however, change over time, and sometimes this has little impact on the friendship, sometimes it is lethal.

If personalities do'nt match anymore, you shoudn't feel guilty about it,it's hard, and annoying, but it happens. However, things can still work out, evben if you have little in common, but then you need to talk things out and make sure you know how you both feel about it. Clear communication is key.

Posted on: 2011/9/26 7:21
_________________



Re: Random question . . . #4
Offline   Mopiece
  Dragon Lords
gold   5458 Gold
Level : 53
EXP : 9
HP : 520 / 1302
MP : 1810 / 24307
If there was abuse in the relationship, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong in ending the relationship.

If you want to know why she started acting the way she did, then take up Val's idea and speak with her.

Posted on: 2011/9/26 10:25
_________________



Re: Random question . . . #5
Offline   tiniponi
  Dragon Lords
gold   2605 Gold
Level : 43
EXP : 2
HP : 210 / 1050
MP : 999 / 20415
Maybe due to my advanced years and life experiences, I have a little different take on this.

If she is putting you down, remember, people usually put others down to make themselves feel better. It is a sad fact of life that the only way some people can feel good about themselves is to bring others down. Perhaps she feels inferior, but that is no excuse for trying to hurt someone else.

A true friend wants the best for you ... someone who doesn't isn't really a friend, IMHO.

If you have a reason to apologize to her for something you know hurt her, then by all means do so if you haven't done so previously. While she may reject your apology, at least your mind/soul/heart can be at peace, knowing you tried.

If you want to try to befriend her again, that is certainly something you should at least try. You may be able to settle things at least to the point where neither of you are left with ill feelings, even if the friendship can't be restored.

However, it seems you have tried repeatedly to work things out, only to be hurt for the effort. If you feel you are obligated to try being friends again, and that is what it sounds like, I personally would just let things go. In that case, you would need to accept the fact that she has changed in her friendship for you, if she ever was a true friend. Feeling obligated is no reason to try to establish a relationship with someone who has deliberately hurt you.

Remember, all the things I said are just my opinion. You need to do what you feel right in your heart.

Best of luck in either getting things with her sorted out or accepting that this friendship is in the past.

Posted on: 2011/9/26 14:30
_________________
Come visit me at my Rainbow Dragon & Horse Farm



Re: Random question . . . #6
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
Well. I'd love to have a clear mind. I try my best. It's not as romantic as it might seem, I actually have a lover. I just don't get why the sudden change. I don't mean the abuse. I honestly mean, it was there before. But she still cared, and honestly, I forgave her. Or maybe it's just I could take it less and less. Go figure. I've broken from her and after the unspeakable thing she has done, I think I honestly do, it was the best. But I feel guilty. I mean it was somehow my own fault. I don't know. It's one of the things I seek advice on, because I can't seem to get this off my mind.

My consience is clear, I have served her..I have a short temper but I apologized...Well, there is nothing she could really blame on me. I even offered to host her, knowing that until recently my living conditions were a little bit risky/edgy (no work makes no money, but this is solved by now). However any talk I do with her will lead in abuse, and making me doubt, and such. I know her. And after what she's done, somehow I'm fearing her. Oh the euphemism. I am terrified.

Maybe I should let go. It is hard, but I'm sure on the long run it would be better. The only reason I could think of for her to give me up, I am not going to apologize. But I don't think it's that. It doesn't correspond. She hurts me and though sometimes I'm sure I deserve it she does it willingly, I mean in the end, i felt cornered and helpless as soon as she spoke. Might explain what ensued. I'm dealing with that, too.

Now the thing is I don't know what is right..I feel guilty for leaving her, I feel compelled to take her back, and she has really given me great memories and been a really great help, but on the other hand, I have to run away from her, for all the evils she does, for the worsening changes she undergoes and because frankly speaking I'm terrified. I know she is no longer a true friend and still I am pretty lost on this. But I'm terrified at leaving her and maybe of the consequences, not so much being left alone because I know I have other true friends who wouldn't let me down --- unless they also undergo such a behavior change, but I never was involved romantically with the others, so it has less risks to happen --- but rather the way she could retaliate. I'm afraid that somehow she finds another way to deeply hurt me, though to the point where she has gone, I don't think there is much more desacrating things to be done around. Maybe the thing I need most help is really to make my stand on this, though. I can deal with a loss, a few years ago I had a terrible loss, but I made it. The thing is I'm terrified of what could happen after whatever move I do. I keep her, I get hurt, I loose her, I get hurt. Physically perhaps. She's gone to that point. I will defend if she attacks me, I mean, I think somehow she won't do..what she's done anymore, but what I'm most afraid of is that she finds a way to shatter me, and I know she's well able to do that. She literally could trick me into being driven mad and crawling at her.

Anyhow. I'm sorry for ranting. I need to take it somewhere, I really need to, I'm not going to swarm my date or most of my friends with such thoughts (they all hate her, though), and there's also the fact that 1) she doesn't know of this username and 2) they might know my friends, and she is very, VERY cunning and subversive. Well, sorry for taking so much of your time, and still, I thank you for the advice. I really need to know, because this is something that really sickens me, and when it gets to the point of breaking when the phone rings or avoiding women with her looks, it means I have to do something...

It's late, I'm certainly not making much sense but oh yes..I hope you understand my point. Thanks everyone =)

Posted on: 2011/9/26 18:45


Re: Random question . . . #7
Offline   whoooopdeeeedo
  Amaranthian
gold   288 Gold
Level : 15
EXP : 37
HP : 0 / 359
MP : 90 / 6795
You can forgive someone and still not be involved in their life. From what I see you have to forgive yourself of any guilt you may feel you have. I do not see that ending a relationship that has any kind of abuse involved should have any guilt to it. If this person has offended your friends and family there was a reason to put this person out of your life.
I feel you should forgive her and then make your life peaceful without her.

Posted on: 2011/9/26 19:16


Re: Random question . . . #8
Offline   iPink
  Druids
gold   2058 Gold
Level : 35
EXP : 89
HP : 174 / 872
MP : 617 / 15641
I think you need to figure out what was up with her and why her behavior turned "erratic" before you can find closure, and before you can forgive her and move on (or not). Basically, you need to talk with her. Just buck up and call her; there's no need even to meet in person, especially if she was abusive. But you do need to speak about it.

Posted on: 2011/9/27 3:41
_________________

..............follow that unicorn on the road to love..............


Re: Random question . . . #9
Offline   KTC
  The Brotherhood
gold   7518 Gold
Level : 59
EXP : 48
HP : 877 / 1462
MP : 2538 / 28425
You sound like a battered person with an abusive partner.

The abuse, the guilt for leaving, the power play, the cutting off yourself from friends/family who disagree, etc. I assume there was some degree of depression.

I strongly recommend cutting all ties with such a manipulative person until you're more stable, financially, emotionally, and mentally. Do not talk to her while you're still emotionally unsteady and susceptible to her ways. Get your life, emotions, and mind in order so that if she does try to trick you, you're in a better state to resist.

Also, I recommend counseling if you're having trouble with the mentally/emotionally part. Here's a Link about some options.

Note: I am NOT calling you a crazy person or anything like that. However, you're not in the best shape to handle her so start by 'fixing' yourself first.

Posted on: 2011/9/27 4:18
_________________


Teijal's Toy


Re: Random question . . . #10
Offline   MoonPrincess
  Druids
gold   4827 Gold
Level : 52
EXP : 3
HP : 510 / 1275
MP : 1707 / 24784
IMO you haven't done anything wrong. You might feel guilty and sad because she took so much of your time so you're missing her which is normal and because she's saying things like "you owe me". I think that she probably knows you too well and she's using the "you owe me" card to get you back.

I don't think you should get involved with her anymore...she'll only continue to make your life more miserable. For some reason (love, friendship etc.) she needs you and now when she lost you, she tries to get you back only to make you feel even worse.

Maybe I'm mistaken but I think that this wasn't the first time she did try things like these. You said it yourself, you forgave her several times. You decided to remove her from your life because of these things and don't take her in anymore 'cause if you do, the circle will go on and on and on and who knows what she'll do next.

It probably took real courage and strength for you to brake all links with her...don't betray yourself. She's not worthy. Yeah she maybe gave you great memories but compared to bad ones...

Also if she does love you she'll let you go. It's like she doesn't even think she did bad things to you. Did she ever apologize? We do good things and help people we love because we want to, not because we want they to return the favor to us.

Posted on: 2011/9/27 4:32
_________________
"No matter what others say, you must never lose pride in being a woman. Even when you're standing on the same stage as men, don't change yourself to be like them. As a woman, do the things that men can't." - Kochou(Saiunkoku Monogatari)


Re: Random question . . . #11
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
Well. Thanks everyone. I'll see what to do, it's really confusing. I think I shouldn't have contact with her anymore, but yeah..well, yes. I guess I shouldn't feel anymore bad about it, and focus on finding someone less..dissapointing.

PS. I'm counselling for my GID already, but I guess I will speak about it as well. They might help me.

Posted on: 2011/10/4 11:12


Re: Random question . . . #12
Offline   MoonPrincess
  Druids
gold   4827 Gold
Level : 52
EXP : 3
HP : 510 / 1275
MP : 1707 / 24784
If only we could help each other in situations like this. Sadly all we can do is just give our advice and opinion.

I've been in a situation similar to this 8 years ago, but she wasn't my lover but at that time I thought she was my best friend whom I knew for 13 years...it took me too long to see that she wasn't my real friend.

I'm sorry if my previous opinion sounded a bit harsh (I read it again now),but based on your situation...and my experience with the similar thing....that's my opinion on this problem.

I've lost many good chances in life because of her and it took me too long to see that. Don't be like me.

Posted on: 2011/10/20 3:06
_________________
"No matter what others say, you must never lose pride in being a woman. Even when you're standing on the same stage as men, don't change yourself to be like them. As a woman, do the things that men can't." - Kochou(Saiunkoku Monogatari)


Re: Random question . . . #13
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
I do not know. She has taken up the trend of calling me at impossible hours and blaming me for that. She is very, VERY resentful of me cutting off with her. She has tried to contact a few of my friends, tell them lies about me (and not so lies, she has outed me as tg, which with my real friends is totally open and allright, but with other people...not so), well, I feel she's trying to make me bend to her will again.

The best thing is, two days ago, she was in front of my door and ringing. Oh looking normal not too pretty, but there was just no way she would come to me normally. The only thing I did was running away to the other side of my flat. (I am mentionning that to say she didn't overdo herself, nor did she seem in a fury..no she seemed totally casual, though I know she couldn't have come to me alone, especially with no place to sleep)

Well, I don't..I don't regrest having given her up, but yet agian the fear kicks back in, and with so little support from the police.. I don't know. We broke off as lovers a while ago, but kept close, even best friends - maybe you're right and she INDEED was not even a friend to begin with. She's changed but now I feel sorta cornered...

...well, I'll figure that out. Thank you...and sorry for ranting, ya?

Posted on: 2011/10/20 17:55


Re: Random question . . . #14
Offline   KTC
  The Brotherhood
gold   7518 Gold
Level : 59
EXP : 48
HP : 877 / 1462
MP : 2538 / 28425
rant away since venting helps sometimes

how come the cops aren't doing anything?

casual/alone/ringing door bell after spreading lies bout you= She's up to something. Stay on your guard.

Try to keep documentations of what she's doing and how often. Like the phone records and stuff. This harassment needs to be documented.

Posted on: 2011/10/20 18:26
_________________


Teijal's Toy


Re: Random question . . . #15
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
Did right to stay on my guard. She tried to break into y house...I'll take a break I guess..thanks for the support, but things are getting out of hand..so I'm gonna retreat for a while.

Stole my laptop, too. This is all too well domumented now, but she lives in another country, so its' sort of hard to actually go to her (though I have proof she isn't back home..)


Edited to remove profanity. Even with asterisks you can't use the word.
~Mopiece

Posted on: 2011/10/30 8:03


Re: Random question . . . #16
Offline   Mopiece
  Dragon Lords
gold   5458 Gold
Level : 53
EXP : 9
HP : 520 / 1302
MP : 1810 / 24307
Even if she lives in another country, you can still notify your police. This way they'll know and can respond better when she comes back a second time.

Posted on: 2011/10/30 11:38
_________________



Re: Random question . . . #17
Offline   theone
  Witches and Warlocks
gold   2417 Gold
Level : 39
EXP : 25
HP : 191 / 956
MP : 780 / 14790
SHE BROKE IN YOUR HOUSE?
You have to go to the police, she stole something. Different country won't change that she IS stealing and can be charged

Posted on: 2011/10/30 12:57
_________________


Join the W&W and visit my cottage


Re: Random question . . . #18
Offline   piepeter
  Amaranthian
gold   187 Gold
Level : 8
EXP : 51
HP : 0 / 187
MP : 30 / 2320
i'm totaly having the same meaning as theone
i mean:she broke in your house and STOLE SOMETHING
on the other hand:i've had a friend,6 years passed without contact because he stole 80 from me,and i told him that he needed to give it back
and what happened was:somebody stole the 80 back
that guy,is now my best friend,Fedde
the thing is:search for something and its impossible to get,you will find something different,maybe better,maybe not

Posted on: 2011/11/8 12:39
_________________
Hello,i play games, eat pie, love creepypasta's and like scary games.I'm just an ordinary gamer,what would you expect???


Re: Random question . . . #19
Offline   MoonPrincess
  Druids
gold   4827 Gold
Level : 52
EXP : 3
HP : 510 / 1275
MP : 1707 / 24784
OMG! What is wrong with that person o.o
Go to the police and report that as everyone said, geez now I know how happy I am that my problem didn't go this far -_-'


edited to remove inappropriate language ~tiniponi

Posted on: 2011/11/9 10:53
_________________
"No matter what others say, you must never lose pride in being a woman. Even when you're standing on the same stage as men, don't change yourself to be like them. As a woman, do the things that men can't." - Kochou(Saiunkoku Monogatari)


Re: Random question . . . #20
Offline   Aveyond06
  Dragon Lords
gold   728 Gold
Level : 24
EXP : 57
HP : 0 / 589
MP : 245 / 11435
Well, I'm going to the Netherlands much sooner than expected as a result. There has been a case filed, and I brought people to live with me here for the time being.

I haven't seen that one coming, really, I just hope this solves up quickly now. I don't feel afraid....Scrap that, I'm UTTERLY afraid, but if the police come now with the file she's got (including phone transcripts), there's a strong chance they don't let her go.

Little bit of hope though - the phone calls have stopped for a bit of time, and even if the Netherlands do not work, I am contacting landlords to move away. My logic..she got my adress cause I always kept it even when I moved, but when I move she won't be able to find me back.

Since she normally lives in Germany, and that house is in France, and she isn't wealthy enough to sustain a living without working -- and her French is not only terrible, but she also has no qualifications beyond a Schulabschluss, basically nothing -- I suppose that she anyways won't be able to come around anymore. x.x

Anyhow, moving away seems my only option.. I certainly don't want to meet her anymore..though I'm kind of shocked, it's reached a very dangerous point very quickly and really, now I feel sorry not to have seen this coming earlier.


When I think I was giving you tips against that guy you were taking about Moonprincess, and now I'm utterly helpless :/


After thought - VERY FEW of my friends (namely, those I deem my real friends, that's about five) know about my exact adress, and I live in a big city - my phone number is linked to my router, not to my landline - and once again she certainly used up her savings here, she's not wealthy at all - so well..if I move away, there's far less chances she finds me up huh?

Or does anyone have any solutions beyond having to defend myself, or wait and see..? All my friends claim to go to the police and flee, and all are saying this certainly won't last too long..knowing her, she's never kept up a cause for a long time. NMy friendship suddenly got her bored, she's been hopping from college to college, all with very different themas - and she's the 3-lovers-a-year type.. so I hold on the hope that she will get bored of it, actually I believe so..it's just a matter of time and what could happen in between I think..I guess..dunno.

Afterthuoght 2 - Is there the strong possibility something bad happens to me..? I mean I don't even wanna understand her or anything, just want to get her as far as possible..but yeah, does this qualify as life endangering or threatening or something?

Sorry for the ranting and how the initial topic diverged...not like I could have foreseen that huh :/

And yes Peter if I get you right, I totally don't regrest anything about her now..whatever forgiveness I had is forever gone LOL.

Oh and thank you all for your support..there's a reason I post here q.q

Posted on: 2011/11/9 17:06


(1) 2 »
      Register To Post
You can view topic.
You cannot start a new topic.
You cannot reply to posts.
You cannot edit your posts.
You cannot delete your posts.
You cannot add new polls.
You cannot vote in polls.
You cannot attach files to posts.
You cannot post without approval.

[Advanced Search]




Join our Newsletter!

RSS Feed

Coming Soon!
RPGs
Dragons Among Us
Aveyond 4

Sandbox
Pixel Pygmies

Kingdom Chat
SeerCassandra > 09/23 16:00:16[SeerCassandra] hey,how have you been?
Aveyond Wiki
Click to Visit!
made by fans, for fans
Kingdom Map

(Laws)



(Forums)



(News)



(Art Gallery)



(Cottages)



(Guilds)



(Experiments)

Who's Online
101 user(s) are online (51 user(s) are browsing My Forum Entries)

Members: 1
Guests: 100

shelia42, more...
About Us |  Sell Our Games |  Add Your Game to Our Site
2007 Amaranth Games, LLC
Powered by Xoops