There are sometimes when I just have to say my real opinion, but it turns to be too true, and many find it offensive...

I hate the uptightness and courtesy in this world

eh, maybe it's how you say it. For example, i can appear very rude/crude/coarse if I want to, or I can appear to be 'politely' blunt. XD

Or another one: my 'normal' language is more foul than what I use on the boards. Obviously, I'm censoring myself or I would be breaking rules lol.

i think you can say what ever you want as long as you don't break rules and don't be rude. here i think the rules don't make anny problem to stay behind the line and still can give your opinion

That happens to me, too. My problem is that I rarely speak what I mean if it can hurt someone, even if I'm really angry. But when I reach the point that I have to say something, I do overreact, because there's so much stuff 'behind the scenes'. That, and my cultural handicap of being a Finn (who have a habit of not 'beating around the bush' but rather going straight to the point) can really cause troubles both in real life and in forums. I think I may have made a couple of enemies here, too, because of it... *ashamed*

oh mae but your so nice i guees mabye it's an idee for you to say it when they start with it then it won't run out off hand

Being honest. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met never appreciated it and didn't thought it was a "constructive" critism and rather thought it was an insult. -__- People are so *beep* up these days.

hmm... well I have no argument against hating uptightness, but courtesy? how much would it siriusly cost to say 'please' and 'thank you' etc?

I won't push unless others push me. And then... *cracks knuckles*

If you think about it, courtesy is what makes us civilized. It's just rules for dealing with people we meet everyday.
(It also makes family life more enjoyable)

I am known to have Foot N Mouth disease. (Open mouth insert foot!) I mean well, but sometimes things just don't come out the way I'm thinking!
Few of us can tolerate "honesty" from others.
Facts are another thing however. If the person isn't attacked, and the issue is argued instead, we can say what we think.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But we all know unpleasant people that we have to deal with. I can be very blunt then.

i think that you just don't most hold queit but say what you have to say but pleasent i think that is the best for the comunitie

I've decided recently IRL to either stay quiet or rain sarcasm and cynicism onto my friends' semi-suspecting heads...

Since I've apparently overloaded them with slightly harsh comments. (It's not like I do it on purpose... :K)

Yeah but people are so angry when they know it's the truth...weird, I'd be more angry if it's lies

Personally, I've always liked to give people the benefit of the doubt as much as possible. I worked in retail work for many years and that really got me to be more forgiving of others. I tended to see so many people who were rushed or stressed and took things out on whomever was in front of them (in line, at the counter, etc.).

None of us are perfect and we all have bad days, or do things in haste which we wish we could take back. "He who is without sin should cast the first stone". Honesty is great, but a dose of humility goes a long way as well.

Honesty is the best route imo.

I prefer honesty because I want to know if I did something wrong so I can improve myself. How else do you do it if no one's honest around you?

When I was a mod, I constantly told people that if they thought I did a lousy job, than they say it to my face so I know where to work on. After all, it's an evolving process since there's always new personalities to deal with. Like wise with my writing, I know my general weaknesses such as grammar, but other than that I don't know if my 'style' is improving, or getting worst lol.

Well, that's the route I usually take with other people even if it could possibly hurt them.

I think you can be honest, but if what you say hurt someone's else feelings, then you were not polite enough. And its your fault.
You can speak your mind, but telling it so the other person won't get hurt is to be truly objective.
Besides, how many truths there are on this world?
There are a lot more things we can't proove they are right than things we can say that they are an absolute fact and the absolute truth.

@sargon: it really depends on the situation imo.

Let's say, one of my close friends' bf/gf was abusive/cheating and I found out. I would tell her outright that (s)he's abusive/cheating. There is no way to say that nicely or without hurting someone else's feelings.

Sometimes, you just have to be the bad guy if the situation calls for it.

"Let your words always be seasoned with salt".

This means to say things in a way that they will be more acceptable to others. You have to think things through, choose your words carefully, try to put yourself on the receiving end. Rather than just blurting out what's on your mind, imagine what effect your words will have. If you STILL need to say them, can you reword it so your comments are more helpful/constructive rather than criticising and tearing down?

One person said they'd rather use PMs and keep matters private, than saying something in the forum and reprimanding in public. That's another thing you can keep in mind, whether it's on the forum here or with friends - does what you have to say need to be heard by everyone, and if you broadcast it to everyone will it be more hurtful than if you took the person aside and spoke to them privately?

Everyone has a right to their opinion, and within reason, they have a right to express their opinions. However, everyone also has a right to be treated with respect, and people should not think THEIR right to say what they think is any more important than someone else's right to be shown respect. That's why the forum rules are in place - swearing, flaming, bullying, to name a few, are just unacceptable here. KTC made a great point - what she says, and the way she says it here, are considerably toned down compared to what she might say in the real world. There are some wonderful examples on the forum of people who are always kind and considerate to others - even when they have something to say that may not be so pleasant to hear. I am sure most of those people think very carefuly, take their time in posting, in order to make their words acceptable to whoever reads them.

I guess the main thing is to be careful about how you say it, and how it may be interpreted. If the person hearing/reading your words feels they or their friends are being attacked, the natural response is to defend. If they don't view it as an attack, that's when you have the makings of a very meaningful discussion on your hands.

lol-thats true, i can be nice at any moment, but wen im real pissed...u dont wanna c me, but that usually doesnt happen (most of the time XD). then there are the times wen u r brave enough to say it, then find out that it was a good idea not to. for example, hmmmmm...........O! like wen u see a nice boy/girl, u dont say that u like that person right away then again, only i couldnt, too shy.

I agree that you have to think of the effect your words will have. I keep it as a rule that everyone, even the rudest person, needs to be afforded basic respect - even for just my peace of mind, too, knowing that I did not stoop to their level.

For example, my friend's boyfriend's parents have a strong dislike for her and are very vocal about it (despite the fact that they've met her just once, before she and their son began dating). Apparently, they will even say disrespectful things about her to their son - like my friend grew up on a farm and so they tell him that he should find someone who is brought up better and well-educated (even though she does go to the same university!)

She will be meeting them over dinner in a couple weeks and she was confiding in me about how nervous she was, not so much about making a good impression but about how she was afraid they'd "attack" her for whatever reason. And because she's someone who speaks her mind and can be somewhat blunt, she said she'd be afraid of blurting out something that would only anger them further and give an even worse image of herself to her boyfriend's family. I told her that the most she can do is be herself, but always remember that, no matter what, she has to give them basic respect and common courtesy, even if they don't return it.

Another thing to ask yourself, when you feel the urge to say something mean, is this: are you speaking for the sake of fuelling the argument or to make them angrier? Or would you rather speak for the sake of yourself, for maintaining peace, respect, and dignity?

I guess what this topic means is that sometimes you have something in mind that you want to say but can't- either beacuse of that act will lead to your own trouble or other things.
Like sometimes, if people are in a bad mood, they just want to tell everyone else to 'buzz off' or 'shut up', but especially for those who still lives with parent (or a student), doing so will lead to troubles right?

Quote:

No, what you are saying is a different matter.
You are just the deliverer of bad news.
Its not your fault that your friend's spouse did something bad to him.
This is completly different than speaking your mind on an issue to someone.
If you tell someone that you think something is wrong about him, then its your opinion. And you take responsibility of what you think. Unlike reporting on someone's else acts.
Of course, in both cases, whether bad news, or your critisism of the person, you need to say it as gently and as politly as possible.
If you make people angry at you by saying either one of these things, then it is most likely you are doing something wrong, and maybe you should think of a different way to tell them what you wanted to tell.
Of course some person can just get mad at you for any kind of reason, in this case you need to try to appease him to make him relax, eventhough you are right and he is wrong.