I was popping around youtube when I saw a video someone had taken of a LBGTQA (Lesbian, Gay, Transgendered, Queer Association) demonstration where they proposed that being sexually attracted to men does not necessarily make you gay, nor does being sexually attracted to a woman. Same goes with emotionally attracted.

So below, I propose a few questions I wanted to hear people's thoughts on.

If a wo/man and a wo/man are in love, and one of the wo/men gets a sex change and becomes the opposite gender, are they now straight, or gay/lesbian?


Do you think being sexually attracted to the same gender but not emotionally attracted makes you gay/lesbian? Vice Versa?

What do you think decides someone's sexuality- Self identity or social identity (What others think or what they think)? What if the person identifies them as something due to their lack of knowledge (e.g; because they kissed a girl in truth or dare, they are completely lesbian even though they are in no way attracted to girls)?

Questions? Comments?

About the sex-change, I think that the question would have to be: If you have a sex-change, are you now the new gender or the old one? Depending on how you answer that, the answer to your question is attached. I personally think that if you get a sex change and you were gay/lesbian before, then you are straight now. Although I don't think it's that important of a question since sex-changes are rather uncommon.

My answer to all of the rest of the questions is this: You decide if you are gay or not. If you are sexually attracted to someone of the same sex, but are married to someone of the opposite sex and fulfilled by them, etc., then you are straight. Other people do not decide what sexual orientation you are. I would even go so far as to say that someone can choose not to be gay. Yes, I know that there are certain conditions that makes it so that you are attracted to someone of the same sex, but I think people can really choose to be anyone they want to be. Maybe it isn't really relevant, but that's just what I think. And I don't think I really got my point across very well. Sorry. I wish I could make what I'm trying to say more clear.

So in that case, would you say a man who is both emotionally and physically attracted solely to men is not gay if they say they're not?

I've come across something like this in Moonshine, and I got a bit confused about it too. O: The main character falls in love with a guy with a female gender identity and dresses and acts as a female, and the main character knew of their sex from the beginning but fell in love with him anyway. Does that make him gay?

I personally feel that the definition of "Gay" has become so distorted over time, it's lost it's meaning.

The dictionary defines category as, "a collection of things sharing a common attribute".

However, if anyone can decide if they are gay regardless of their characteristics or who they love, there is no longer a common attribute! "Gay" is no longer a category; it doesn't define anything!

So what is it?

The sexual attraction thing is... a bit debatable to me, but I think it's just "lust is not love". Sexual attraction => lust => may/may not be homosexual. I personally think that you're gay/lesbian only if you are truly in love with someone with the same gender.

I still don't get why people make such a big deal over this. Love is love, lust is lust. It happens. So what?

So what is love, Daeva?

I haven't really experienced romantic attraction towards anyone in my life so far, but I think love is possible with anyone, of either gender? But romantic love has a sexual aspect to it, which means it also involves a bit of lust, which decides your sexual orientation?

I absolutely agree, Kirroha. I think to say that lust and love are not connected is completely false. As humans, we have it hardwired into our brains to connect the two as we have a primal instinct to survive and reproduce.

Yep, if it's purely love you feel for someone, it can be for either gender. You can feel a very strong love to someone of the same gender and it doesn't make you gay, I suppose. Lust is what defines that aspect of you.

The reason why people don't believe that lust is connected to love is because of that widespread belief of the existence of True Love.

You still haven't answered my question-

What defines "Gay" or "Lesbian"?

I've already answered. Which gender you feel 'lust' towards is what defines you as straight or gay/lesbian. If you are a male and you only feel sexual attraction or lust towards a male body or masculine features/personas, then you are gay, and so on.

I don't think I agree with that.

I think there are plenty of people who are happily married to the opposite gender (and quite in love with their spouse), however they enjoy sexual relations with the same gender as opposed to with the opposite gender. In fact, many people in the "sexual" business try to corner the market on just those people through videos and stories.

I think its perfectly possible for a man to be married to a woman and deeply in love with her, but would rather have sex with a man. They don't necessarily have to be connected!

Just because you are married to the opposite gender doesn't make you straight. You can love your spouse all you want but lust for the opposite gender. That just means that you didn't marry a person whom you are sexually attracted to.

Right, you married someone who you are EMOTIONALLY attracted to. So, are they straight?

Emotional attraction = Friendship.

I can be deeply in love with someone and not want to have sex with them.

I think i'd come with kirroha's definition of gay and lesbian.

Even if you're married with opposite gender, it'd not a definite straight if you're/are not attracted to same gender either. If that works as your example, then it'd depend on the 'attraction point'.

Edit(just noticed that you're posting again):
being attracted in some lust points doesn't need to do the sex itself. Also, there're still many factors that obstacle for having sex, no?

Even if it's after married condition (both in love and sex automatically), it's possible if the feelings changed towards.

So where do you stand, shadowshed? Do you think gay/lesbian is a self defined category or do you follow Kirroha's definition?

I'm following Kirroha, i think(or maybe not)...
The main issue is, had attracted by the same gender.... Both for the feelings and the 'lust'